


Court of Darkness and Dreams

by SkyZion



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:08:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13867941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyZion/pseuds/SkyZion
Summary: Hey there!!I'm just going through the ACOTAR series rewriting the books in Rhysands pov, because why not?. Let me know how I'm doing and have a great rest of your day!





	1. Chapter 1

Court of Darkness and Dreams

Red. The color red splattered in a pattern across white snow. Tainting it, twisting it into something it should not have been.

The color red will forever be changed. It wasn't the same as the red that splattered the mud and rocks of the wars past, during brutal wars that I still try to forget. It wasn't the red that I saw when my father misted those who cared not to listen, who dared to speak out for something different. It wasn't the red of roses that grew wildly across a metal fence, yearning for escape. No, it was red. The life, the breath, the joy of those much younger than me. Those who still had dreams, who still had hope, who I ended with a simple command.

I pried into their untrained minds, telling them to scream promising them an end that didn't crawl down their bones with pain. I tried to tell myself that it would be okay. That somehow I was helping them.

I tried. Those words only get you so far. Those words were a promise to me, more so than them. I couldn't bear the thought, the name that would follow me for the rest of my life.

Screams pierced through my ears, the cries and tears of those who bared them crept into my bones, only to leave me standing staring at the massacre that just occurred.

"Good job." Words caressed my ear, lips touching my bottom lope. Words laced with violence, and the promise of an accomplished goal. Scarlet hair blows in the wind, the scent of the woman I'm sworn to brushes my face. I just smile, devious and unforgiving. This is who I have become, this is who I need to be. The flash of red against the white clashes once again, it takes all of me to not move a single muscle in fear or disgust.

I kept my eyes forward. I watched as the morning snow drifted down, covering the red that splattered the ground slowly. I cannot look at the faces twisted in pain, those belonging to the mothers or those who lie on the ground. I had to keep the horizon in my mind, the snow as bitter and cold as I should be. This was me, I will become the darkness of fear, of hate… my thoughts stopped. I had to get out of here. There had to be a way.

I felt my breath skip, I felt my throat closing my mind was no longer my own. This is my hell, and shit I'm sitting on the god damn throne.

Fear. My vision quickly readjusts.

Stone walls, stale air, the absence of light. I'm under the mountain. I'm still under the mountain.

Long fingers trailed my chest, lazily drawing half circles on my chest. A mop of red hair freely scatters the bed, long pale legs tangle mine but don't quite fit right. Something screams through my body telling me it's wrong, and my twisted sense of humor wants to ask what is right. Just a piece of the darkness that heals would breathe life into me.

Cauldron boil me. One way or another I will be free. Rid of this scent, this curse, this life that I now have to call my own.

My life hangs in the balance of a man, who has given up years ago. All I can do is hope. Just try, giving the little bit of freedom that I provided to those on that snowy, bitter morning.

I tried. Until now, I never believed how useless, how longing, how damn pitiful those words were.

What I would give to see the delicate hands of that painter once again. Just a solid form of hope in a fogged vision that some nights the cauldron dared bless me with. The one who used red in flames of fury and rage, who blended colors to make a mark of beauty with painted flowers, and the one who did magic with simple colors to let me see Velaris through a strangers eyes.

The one that gave me hope. And didn't even have to try.


	2. Chapter 1.0

Chapter 1.0

"Rhysand!" echoed a voice, which sounded too cheerful to belong on a young woman's face that was scrunched up in irritation. Midnight black hair, freckles creating constellations across the bridge of her nose, staring at me with deep purple eyes. Standing with both hands on her hips, mocking our mothers pose. I wanted to smile, but a bitter cold crept through me telling me not to. I know I've ignored her time and time again, probably longer than the five minute span that it usually takes for her to scrunch her nose.

"Were you not listening to me?!" She scoffed while I spotted a small twitch at the tip of her left wing. A nervous habit, one our father has been trying to break, making up some excuse that it's going to impact her turning abilities or flight time. Cauldron bless her young soul, without having a care in the world, with her heart on her sleeve, 'More like her wings, than her arm'.

She was a young lady now, daring and loving exactly like our mother. She held her head up high, staring down those who dared to ignore her, hell even those she was just trying to manipulate into doing something for her. Well beyond her years, just her age and inexperience standing in her way from accomplishing everything she set out to do. Despite her rigid and annoyed stance, she attempted to form a darkness around her feet where she stood, the only darkness that seeped through was one of caring, wonder, and youth. I pursed my lips into a sinister smile, I had to just come up with something cunning to say. Though I may be older, she was well past her years developing her powers and finding ways to dig her way claws under my skin.

"Rhysand, fucking whore, are you not listening?"

Reality, I drifted off again into my land of hope. The land of dreams. The land of, if cauldron blessed it, where I wanted to be.

Where my sister stood no more than a mere few seconds ago, Amaratha sat in a throne. Her legs stretched over the arm, the midnight dress she wore slit up the side flashing her entire set of pale legs. Her one arm was stationed on the other arm rest with her head resting on the hand flashing a sinister smile back to me. Her eyes staring at me in anger, disgust and yearning.

No more than a heartbeat later, I countered "Of course." Easing the tension in the air, slightly, but enough for those disgusting longing eyes to be directed at her true victim. A high fae, unsure of his decent or court he belong to, kneeled down before the witch, his hands outstretched palms facing up in surrender. Groveling, when did the high fae have to grovel? When this undeserving, red headed demon decided to agree with Hybern and kill those who had power, of course it was kept in check, and overall had control of this world. Only providing one man, beast, the opportunity to gain it back. What has he done with these past 40 some years? Absolutely nothing. Which terrified me even more. What if I've never seen them again? That thought process is not going to get me anywhere fast. That process of thought will only lead me to inner turmoil and despair.

I shuddered, as if the stale air had brushed my neck. My mask would fall, only to be shattered wholly and completely if I allowed that to happen. 'I would never give her that satification'

I took a deep breath, squeezing the bridge of my nose between my two fingers letting out a low chuckle acting like I was paying attention to his begging words, 'How long has this poor man been speaking for?'

To be honest, I've missed everything that has happened in this room since I've stepped in. Whatever this man was saying, pleading, begging for it's all going to be for nothing in less than a few simple minutes.

I've plotted my escape twice now, probably more, just while I was standing in this room. It's this place, my dungeon under the ground. The inability to see true, unhindered darkness underneath a starry sky, to feel fresh air brush against my skin… I've been at the whim of this vile woman for nights now. Only to tend to her needs, wants and desires. She likely was digging her talons in harder now to see if she could rile my feathers, so close to the end date of our doom. A few years, is nothing but a blink in my life time. Yet it has felt like I've been collecting the nails for my coffin ever since.

"Will you just kill him, I'm bored." Amarantha mused, not even flinching only a small twinkle in her eye showing that she was at least a bit interested in what was going to happen to the fae.

The lanky monster lurked forward, trying to blend into the dark backdrop of shadows before approaching the high fae. Clawing his way towards the poor groveling fool. 'Pitiful' was my only response to his movements as he attempted to adapt and make the darkness his own. He moved against the grain, didn't follow what the shadows showed him… the true path of least resistance.

"Stop!" her voiced purred, dripping with venom. The only movement was the raising of her free hand, waving off the Attor without a seconds notice. "Rhysand, would you do the pleasure? I want to see someone squirm today."

I just smile, and purred "Of course." Again, I will have to try again another day.

(I will continue this scene in the next chapter, I have ran out of time today :P)


	3. Chapter 1.5

Chapter 1.5

Had I remained still any longer before I kicked off the wall, I could have sworn that the witch was going to kill me. Taking deliberate small steps, I did not want to do this. The way my darkness is now, my abilities, I have to get closer to her victims in order to give them a pleasant death that just looks like one of pain, misery, and despair.

As I continue to move forward, Amarantha had not even moved, still perched across a throne that should not be hers. She may have moved her head a little bit to actually see her anticipated show but nothing more.

With the shadows, I crept around the man engulfing the small amount of light around him. Even if only for a second in blackness he and I would see eye to eye without anyone seeing out conversation. A brief second, before the whore's wards set in. It's been years, I have them about figured out, slowly gaining some of my abilities back, some of my strength.

For a moment, as I was positioning myself to kneel in front of the man, to give him the opportunity to stare down the monster, I saw the wrathful stare of Azriel. That is all I had to see, not the unspoken debates, not even full relentless rage. No, his hazel eyes full of disappointment and the words, 'come home' pleading across them.

Despite my momentary lapse in reality, I let out of short breath, 'This place is truly making me insane.' Visions of what is not here or what has already taken place, plague my mind. Occurrences were only once every few months in the beginning, but now I fear that it is constant. I fear for the day I am unable to identify what is real what is not.

This place…who I am… is slowly disappearing. We have less than a year now, until we face the same consequences for the rest of our lives and I'm here… I'm here serving as a personal executioner and play thing. One who is losing their mind; flashbacks, made up memories, people and sounds out of place. It would not take another daemati to realize I am losing myself.

The thickness of the shadows begin to increase around us, tear filled hazel eyes stare back at me and had not dare to look away. Good man. He's a family man, somehow the cauldron dared to bless him with two young children. Two beautiful little girls, twins it looked like as I started to dig my talons more caressing those memories and bringing them to the forefront of his mind. I start to separate his mind from his body. His body will scream, face pains it would have never imagined as darkness fills his veins poisoning him slowly from the inside out. But this I can give to him.

He will die peacefully, laying in his small bed with his daughters already nestled close to him. He will feel that warmth, love, compassion everything I have been longing for in this dark, decrypted place. I stop my talons there. I wish not to see what madness Amarantha had already plagued him with, nor do I want to re-witness the begging and pleading that I had missed no more than a few minutes ago.

A few moments had to have passed, I was trapped by his dream of lasting sleep to realize I had neglected to monitor the body. Terror was locked in his eyes, not mental terror but one of pain, agonizing physical pain. A shudder skipped down my spine at just the mere thoughts of a man who had just been pleading was killed from the inside out. No high fae should have been fated such as this. Not much longer after I had realized my mistake, a small thud occurred as I released the hold on the poor, unknown male.

I had risked too much, was enjoying a moment of pure, unaltered joy for too long, that his actual death was fast, clean and made one hell of a show for Amarantha. The scarlet hair woman was now leaning forward in her throne, white teeth flashing from behind rose colored lips, her eyes dripping with the want of more. I had given her much more than I had anticipated, showing a little too much of the power I'm still gaining. I will have to maintain this trust… stealing hours of my life away that I will never be able to get back.

The room went silent. Even it seemed like the spectator's eyes were stuck and could no longer blink. Amarantha then started clapping, "Excellent job, high lord."

I smiled. I stood for a moment debating whether or not I should say anything or just simply walk away.

My vision was no longer clouded. A forest once dazed with fog, dead trees with leaves of ice crystals was no more… was now a land of light, colors, and full of life. But glamoured.

By the cauldron, the young painter that I turned to, to see beauty at my dark times was now closer than she had ever been before. Through her eyes, I see a dimmed vision of emerald eyes staring back at her hidden beneath a mask.

The girl I have been turning to for hope, to clear my dreams, to give me something to smile about in the darkness, was now with the beast that was meant to save us all.


	4. Chapter 2.0

Chapter 2.0

Words send a chill down my spine. The voice belonged to something ancient, old, almost unnatural but yet all knowing.

"Stay with the High Lord, human."

Human, why is a human talking to the Suriel? How is a human talking to a Suriel? These questions, yet more run through my head, forgetting everything else but this girl that my talons keep digging into.

I'm standing in a dim light room, waiting for orders, waiting for wonderful Amarantha to give me something… anything to do. But yet, here I am on a quest of my own using all my strength and will power not to go where my brain lingered me to.

The painter, I've been seeing her more often in my dreams, never while I was awake. Her heart was racing, her nerves adrenaline was that of fear not of bravery. What the hell was this daring, beautiful creature thinking? Why would she go alone; armed only with a bow and her slow, slug like reflexes. Anxiety is building up in her veins she knows she must fear that of which is talking to her, yet she stays. Daring, no… Cunning, beautiful, smart… collecting information that was not provided to her, to what end, I'm not sure. Azriel would be proud.

"Human, you must free me and run…" the creature hissed, the Suriel giving warning. That had to be marked in the calendar on the events of what is not expected.

These words made my skin crawl, it was as if my blood, my very soul was screaming at me telling me to go. I had to think of a reason any reason to go into the court of spring. What could I say, what lie could I come up with?

Missing whatever rebuttal the painter came up with, the fear and anxiety intensified but so did the will to live. Looking through her eyes I saw shadows follow her breath was thinning out, her grip on her bow strengthen. She freed the Suriel. Without any regret, she freed the creature and kept her bargain.

Her fear was becoming my own, as her legs carried her, frantically I may add but she had a plan and nothing was going to make that falter. She kept telling herself she would find a way out of this. Which, human, I really wish you would.

This girl, this painter, has given me more drive, will to push forward, hell even entertainment since the day I stepped foot under this mountain. And I was not going to let naga take away my light in the dark.

That was when I felt a flash of pain, as if it were my own. She was bleeding, she was trapped like a small mouse rallied by cats. For the cauldron I had to do something even if I couldn't be there.

I used her will to call for help, expanded it a bit to use that fear and adrenaline and grabbed Tamlin's mind with ease. I had to convince the High Lord that, due to his 'wonderful' tracking skills he had found the Naga and just happened to save this painter in the process… I had to hope that this would work… I would have to try.

A sign of relief rushed through and my talons let go. No longer was I in a spring lit forest, I was standing in the stale smelling, dim light room I was before. Amarantha's definition of a library. Limiting our resources, and pushing us beyond our wits so that our will to find loop holes through knowledge was limited to nonexistent at best. I insisted coming in here by myself without my ghouls, I had hoped that I would find something to distract me.

The painter, that brilliant young girl. The cauldron blessed me, it gave me exactly what I wanted. A distraction, a hope, something to fight towards. In the past years, I have only used my powers to kill, to wipe away terrible memories to cover up the bad… hell even my shadows have not provided me with comfort. They have only whispered the pain, suffering, hell I have even lost my will to fight or even try to construct an escape.

The words, the incident stays with me though. If this human was willing to fight, to live, to persevere… who the hell was I other than one of the strongest high lords that had simply given up? If Cassian, or dare I say Armen were here I would have my ass kicked twice… Hell, probably on the brink of death if Armen didn't receive her jewels.

I smiled, a feral rage seeped into my bones, my darkness responded with words of reassurance and strength. I wasn't a fool, the cauldron gave me this blessing and I will use it. I will meet this painter. No longer will I try, to plague my mind with nightmares and regrets… I will do this. If not only for my sanity, but to keep the dreamer, though she may not know it yet, alive.


	5. Chapter 2.5

Chapter 2.5

"I think our dear high lord is distracted" Shadows whispered into my ear, the smell of my own jasmine filling my nostrils.

"Maybe he needs his attention filled elsewhere… High lord, is there anything we can do for you?" an all too innocent voice asked, but it was laced with concern.

"Just go away." I whispered, to brash to answer the shadows back properly. I should have thought of a more caring statement, they honestly meant no harm to me.

A cold, small hand grabbed my shoulder firm yet delicate all at the same time. The voiced hissed, "High lord, just say something."

I turned my eyes staring at their wisp like shadows. Trained perfectly by Azriel; first thing on my to-do list when I returned to Velarios was to thank him. These two girls have kept me sane, humble and most of all kept me from doing anything I may regret within their ability to control, even though this is just a glimpse of my time spent I thank the cauldron for them every day.

Cerridwen smiled at me, releasing her grasp from my shoulder as Nuala and her both became, well as best as they could, whole again and not that of a form of shadows. Their black eyes, if had not known them better, felt as if they were staring deeply into my soul. Black cores just finding my guilt, pleasures, as if trying to pry my deepest desires out of my soul without saying a single word.

These two ladies, trained, loyal and most of all deadly to those who are not expecting them, "Maybe we should let you return to your thoughts, High lord… You at least seemed more productive that way-"

"Best be careful though, your smile of mischief and if I dare say happiness was coming through" Nuala interrupted her twin, swiftly.

I crossed my arms, "Now, how can I be productive when I have two gals nagging and watching my every move from the shadows. At the very least I thought I would find solitude in the library."

"You've been distracted for weeks, High Lord." Cerridwen snapped, mocking my same cross armed movement staring me down with broad shoulders.

"We have noticed… we can only coerce the shadows into cooperating with us so much. We are weaker here as well—"

"Passing through walls is one thing, but gathering shadows around you when you're trying to give poor men a peaceful passing." Cerridwen finished her sister's thoughts, however her voice was more aggressive than her sister's.

To my horror, have I been too lazy, too distracted to hide my thoughts, my fears? Have I became so complacent in my act that I have forgotten about my mask?

Breaking my thoughts, Nuala laughed while her sister's face crashed into confusion, void of anything else as she peered over to her.

I kept my mouth shut, even as I ached for some form of explanation. However, it was Nuala she laughed at anything; anything that she found entertaining that very moment. She always had a lighter side, while Cerridwen always tried to mother hen and correct. The perfect mix of yin and yang.

"High lord, if I may?" She asked abruptly. I nodded my head, we've become closer in the past decades than I had ever thought I would with Azriel's spies. Hell, Cassian and I used to cause trouble and havoc for these girls just to see what they would do, what they would say… and most of all what the retaliation would be. But instead of answering, Nuala just stared at me with longing, thoughtful eyes as if she was trying to figure out the correct way of stating whatever she had on her mind.

"Just out with, Nuala." Cerridwen hissed, her fingers tapping her arms in irritation.

With an exhausted sigh, "Rhys, your shadows have been talking, YOU have not been here." I raised my eyebrow, I needed to defend myself. But before I could muster up the weak response, a shadow moved quickly in from of me, and a cold, almost dead flesh feeling finger touched my lips, "I'm not done."

I knew it was just a matter of time, before I had to come up with something. I had not realized…

Following Nuala, watching as she turned her back to me, her sister just standing there still as a statue not yet daring to utter a word in agreeance or denial.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked. I'm tired, I'm lonely… I only have spies to talk to when I want to show some real emotion. I can't expect others to listen, confide in anyone else because the slurs about me... I couldn't keep going on being the High Lord of the Night, but a whore in what was supposed to be my play time.

Nuala turned around, her black eyes filled with what one would call a glimmer of hope, "High Lord, who's mind have you been playing in?" That was it. She knew. And her sister raised her eyebrow and gave a more sinister smile.

"How absurd…" I let out a low laugh, "I'm a High Lord, as you say, I don't need to—"

"But you have been, Nuala's right." Cerridwen interrupted, tapping her lip with her finger. "It makes sense now. You've been good at concealing it, but now I see why you have been so off."

That single thought struck a chord, and I knew if I continued to show distraction it could be the end of my hopeful dreams and visions of freedom.

Before I could trail any longer on the thought, it was interrupted, "So how are you going to arrange a meeting, please tell me this distraction is not coming under the mountain." The half-wraith hissed.

"What about Calanmai? This glimpse of freedom has to do something with the beast lord, and that would be the perfect time to do some 'spying' of your own." Smiled Nuala. These brilliant women, no wonder they were highly recommended by my favorite shadowsinger.

But what about Calanmai? Why couldn't I barter my way into one night out, meet the painter, see if it is human after all or even a half breed?

"I could kiss you, the both of you." I said with a smile on my face, "And this is why, you two are my favorite under this whole damn mountain."

Cerridwen scoffed, "Careful High Lord, we may tell your mistress that you're trying to sleep with more than her."

"Oh the scandel! Can we please start a rumor in the shadows?" squealed her sister almost immediately.

That was it, that was my ticket. These two girls, playing mind tricks on me, making me think it was my own damn idea.

I smiled, clucking my tongue in response, "No... but from what i heard... there's a rumor of treachery, back stabbing, and oh, I don't know..." i paused for dramatic effect, "That a certain high lord is looking for a way to break this deal."

Black eyes stared back at me, flashing pearly whites thru their sinister smiles, "And pray tell, dear high lord, what is your master plan?"

I let out a laugh, a real laugh, walked up to the girls and snaked my arms around their waists, "Come now... lets go to a place without any ears to the wall and I'll walk you through exactly what i want done."

Hope... I finally had hope, and not a damn soul was going to take that away from me.


	6. Chapter 3.0

Chapter 3.0

My body, cringing, plastered with sweat, by the cauldron what the hell is wrong with me. This is fear, what the hell am I scared of? I glance around my room, poorly lit stale smelling room… the farthest I went into any type of fear was that I had for the girls. Who; Nuala, seemed way too intent on spreading around rumors of another High Lord's demise and potential meeting. I was feeling hope, freedom, hell I would get to meet the starry sky here so soon, not as brilliant as that as in Velarias but it was still something.

Yet, here I am panting. My hand is against the wall, my heart is beating so fast it feels as if it wants to come out of my chest. . . The realization hit me so fast. I never fully removed my claws. . . This is isn't my fear, my life. . . its the fragile, short life of a human's. A life that is so short, so fragile, that every action one takes is a matter of life and death, and what they consider full happiness.

I need to let go, I need to regain my composure. I can't please anyone like this. I need to… Oh Nuala and Cerridween are going to tear into me, but I can't let this go.

How can one human, one painter be put in this much fear? Why am I so invested in this? I want to meet this person… someone who has my fears, who shares my solitude, who values the safety and security of the night.

"She took my wings…"

"…She took my wings…"

Oh by the cauldron, what did I miss when I was scheming? What did I do when I was grasping for light? Where was I when I could have minimized his suffering?

I have seen too many, good and pure men lose their wings… there is no coming back from that, even if you do-I had to stop that thought there, I could not picture Azriel, Cassian, any of those good men who have served beside, who have aided me… And those who witness it. It's heartbreaking.

They're safe… they have to be safe. They can't leave. She doesn't even know about them. I grinded my teeth, my fist hit the cold, stone wall. I didn't want to see, but I had to. My stomach begun to turn, bile was building up in my throat. I had to do this. Despite my fear, despite my reservations, I had to do this.

I reached out, my mind was now in the land of spring. The manor, poorly light at this time of night, blood pouring out of the stumps of a faerie's back. . . Not Illryan. Poor fool was laid across a table, those of the spring court unable to stop the bleeding, to ease the pain.

Not Cassian.

Not Azriel.

They're safe.

The poor fae, as if on repeat kept pleading for some form of release away from the pain… I'm too far away. I can't do a damn thing. Tamlin will know I was there… since there is not one daemati in site. Fighting against my own will, there is not a damn thing I can do.

Cauldron, I need to get out of this place… but what happened next. I couldn't dare look away… I saw the painters hands, hold the poor fae down. Not in an aggressive way, not in a way full of pity, but one where what she was doing felt right.

The mumbling of the fae was lost to me… I was just in complete awe. In less than a few seconds, this human – my belief she was no longer a half breed—was holding his hand whispering sweet, longing words to him. His time was almost up, the fire in his eyes, the pain that rushed through his body, the blood loss… It wouldn't be much longer now. I heard the mumbling of the prayer of the dead, wishing good fortune and a happy after life. While this painter, was there stroking his hair, promising this man his wings back, his happiness back.

How? Even with me, with all my years I have yet been able to whisper and promise those a peaceful death. I can only give them, glimpses of hope and an everlasting sleep. She gave him the promise of his wings, his life, everything back. The smile of pointed teeth, and the glimmer of light in those dark eyes showed me that this fae believed every word this girl said.

"Why?"

The beast words matched my own.

"Because I wouldn't' want to die alone."

"Rhysand…"

Fuck, I'm hooked. I'm drawn in. That was all I needed to hear. . . Was this girl our savior? No… stop. By the god damn Cauldron, just stop. How can this human… she needed to love the beast. I had to stop crawling into this girls mind for safety, for hope… I needed to-

"Rhysand!" hissed Cerridween, fingers grabbing my face bringing back into what my current reality is.

"I told you, stop playing." Her voice stern, not an ounce of fear but more fueled by anger, staring me down as if she was about to scold a child and not her high lord. "You have to speak with Amaratha about your 'outing' in less than hour. The bitch is blood thirsty right now, you missed her party. So you need to get off your ass and pull yourself together, high lord."

My breathing trembled once I gathered my surroundings, my hand was bleeding, my throat was coarse, I was on the ground slumped against the wall. It was real… this was real. Even my psyche was in a fragile state, I was closer to a level of insanity than I had anticipated. Cerridween eyes stared at me, pleading for me to get up to move on; to forget the pain, to forget the sorrow… these two depended on me not to lose who I am.

Nuala, bless her soul was gathering cloths for me to at least make me more presentable. But her face, though she desperately tried to hide it reflected the same as her sisters did. They yearned for freedom as well… They wanted free, they wanted to get home, but at the same time they would do anything to make sure I stayed level headed and I remained okay.

I scoffed, shook my head free from Cerridween's cold hands, "I'm a mess…" I purred, a dry laugh escape my lips.

"Well get up, we can't do this plan without you High Lord." She purred, mocking my very tone back at me.

"Can you convince her… or should we continue spreading whispers?" Nuala asked quietly, as if she was calculating the correct words to even say to me.

I cannot fail these two… I cannot fail Mor, Armen, Azriel, fuck even Cassian. I needed to pull myself together, not for my sake but for theirs as well.

"We're going through with this plan… I will go to the land of spring… and I will state that you two will be coming with me..." I stated as I got back onto my feet, brushing invisible dust off my shoulder for effect. "… You're still going to the border, make sure you two are prepared… Azriel will know what to look for, make sure you make it loud, obnoxious and enough to piss off Armen." I chuckled at the thought. I locked Armen in a cage for the past 49 years, it was going to be hell to deal with her… but it will be worth it. All of this will be worth it.

The girls chuckled at the thought, whatever they had planned, the less I knew the better. Hell have no fury like a pissed off Armen… It would be worse than the Summer court. I smiled and stood up stretching my arms above my head. "Go on, gather what you need and spread your lies… I'll do my part, best do yours." I stated, winking at them.

"Yes, High Lord." Cerridween bowed her head and disappeared into the shadows, while Nuala just walked over to my vanity and placed down a new set of cloths looking over at me.

She bite her lip and smiled, letting out a sigh and bowed her head. After the small movement, she looked right at me, as if debating. I had to say something, she was doubting this plan more than I was. I knew that face, it was the one that my own sister gave me. All she's missing, is the small twitch in her non-existent wings and of course the midnight eyes that I have missed dearly.

"Don't lose yourself, Rhysand." She said quietly, as her form shifted into smoke and the shadows shifted through the wall.

Short, quiet words struck me to the core. I had to do this, this had to work.

Not for me… but for them.

((((((((((((Now i love feed back! Let me know how I'm doing, if i'm going the right way or if you guys want to see something different. I'm loving this because it gives me a reason to re-read the books. But i know people always have a different light, and different ideas. So let me know!

Also next chapter. I'm going to apologize ahead of time. I have to do some smut.. but unfortunately its not going to be Feyre and Rhysand.. I dont want to do it. And well, has to be done... Sorry!))))))))))))))))


	7. Chapter 3.5

Chapter 3.5 - (((((mature warning SMUT)))) – that is how it is marked :D (((And this chapter is a long one... sorry!)))

I only had to do enough.

Enough to make it seem like I was interested but to leave this vile woman wanting more. It's not that hard. . . but my mind was elsewhere I needed this taste of freedom. This plan had to work. If I was a whore. . . my mind fluttered, lost. I am truly alone. What was the point in fighting?

"What makes you think you're not worthy?" A voice purred into my mind. Light, gentle, tinted with youth. I can sense the smile behind those words.

I ran my hand roughly through my hair as I walked down the hallway, two more turns then straight shot to her chamber. One foot after another, just continue on, push through this damn madness.

"I asked you a question…" Whispered the voice, almost mocking and whining at me. I let out a sigh, exaggerated and full of frustration. I'm clearly going insane. My own mind is making the dead talk to me again. Am I not haunted enough by the lives of the living, then to worry about the dead.

"Rhys…" my sister's voice. What do you want, what do you need? I've been over this with you a million times, just leave me in peace… you're no longer here. Please. I cannot think, I cannot fathom what I would do if you were still here?

"Just keep walking, it will be okay… let me guide you. Remember Starfall? The last one we spent together?"

How could I forget? The smile plastered on her face, it was supposed to be the night our father would finally give her permission to fight. Not like we weren't practicing when I had the time, there's not a second that passes that I wish I could have trained her more… but that night we took off. Her free spirit wanted to roam, to fly, and to be anywhere but locked away in the night court's estate like a princess.

We were gone for hours, in some twisted form of adventure allowing the brisk northern wind guide us to a better destination. To an area not polluted by light, by whispering and judgmental people, and furthermore our brutal father; just where she wanted to be. In some way, some part of me wanted to be there too. Just for a minute of peace and quiet, away from war, away from bloodshed, away from the current pressure of what was doing 'politically' correct.

Calm, hope, and the feeling of safety washed over me. Maybe talking to the dead wasn't a bad thing. At least I didn't claw my way into someone's mind. . . Realization washed over me.

This past few years, serving as her whore, doing her bidding… my power is not what it once was, but I've been gaining slight parts of it back. Not my physical claws, no, but the ability to form my wings, to pry into unsuspecting minds that has been gaining strength. Slightly, slowing over the passing years. It may just be enough.

"The painter hasn't failed you after all." Mussed the voice of my sister, "You haven't just been getting stronger on your own, you goof. It's who you've been looking for, whether you wanted to or not."

My body froze, just one more straight away until her door. I heard Amarantha laughing in her quarters, behind her closed door, at least she was entertaining someone at the moment, probably about her latest stunt. The sawing off of someone's wings. The terror that was going through that fae's eyes, it wasn't pleasant, nor was it fast. It was brutal, it was bloody, it was un-relentless.

"Oh by the cauldron, brother, are you so daft? Has your power not been growing for years? Seriously, how many years? Slowly gaining back strength, your ability coming back to you in small waves…. Hitting like a tsumani when, oh I don't know, a young human painter hit puberty. . . It's not like it's—" Shut up. Stop forcing small rays of hope into the dark. This doesn't make any sense. I will not grasp onto something that cannot be even fathomable at this time, yet alone even possible. I can't, not now. Not this close, I will look for her, I will find her… Just see this girl who is my savior, and nothing more.

My hand, hesitantly reached for the handle I hardly knocked on the door anymore… What was the point, I'm only her to satisfy needs, not actually have an endearing or even heartfelt conversation.

I walked into the room, held up high a sinister smile on my face. The red head flashed a smile of menacing intent back at me, like she was expecting me.

"…And that is why we don't let those bastards onto my lands. Please, be a dear and if you find anymore of our winged friends bring them to me. I would love for my dear Rhysand to be part of the festivities next time." She said, staring at me, as if getting ready to undress me with her eyes.

I couldn't remember the last time—it's been years—since the last time I crawled into another fae's mind with the power and strength such as her… I would have to try. By the time I opened my mouth, she was facing the Attor once again.

"Leave us." She stated, fluttering her hand at the creature before it bowed and scurried out of them room.

I'd been set on a mission, that of course I came with full intentions on filling… but if I could weasel my way out of the hardest part, the part I did not want to be part of… my heart fluttered. My sister's words, I am stronger. I will be able to do this, one way or another.

I glanced around, hoping that I would at least have a comfortable seat after I clawed my way in, on the bed next to her will have to do.

"So why is that you missed my party?" a condescending tone laced her voice.

I smiled, I had to, shook my head in respond and faced her, "I was preoccupied, walking through the dark of the dungeons to make sure your other guests were taken care of. Please ask Cerridween, I'm sure she would be more than happy to divulge you in the details of my small adventure." I know her, she would make up any stories to make this woman happy. She's done it before, I know she would do it again.

"You never cease to surprise me, dear High Lord." She mussed, walking up to me and stroking my chin, her eyes full of lust and want. Each movement of mine, calculated, my poorly muscled legs rubbing against hers. Cassian would be ashamed of how out of shape I've actually gotten. In shape by mortal standards, hell even high fae standard, to Illyran standards I would fail miserably.

I grasped her wrist, my poorly callused fingers gently rubbing lazy circles as I tilted my head looking straight at her, "I have a proposition."

"Do you, high lord?" she mussed back, looking straight at me. My stomach turned, I could not imagine this… do I have enough nerve to ask this? I have one chance… a single chance. No faltering now, too many lives at stake.

She gasped in pleasant surprise, when I nuzzled into her neck, kissing the trail I left behind. Smiling against her skin, I could feel the goose flesh peck up I had to keep pushing through this. Distracted, that's where I needed her.

(((((mature warning SMUT))))

"So Calanmai…" I mussed, already whispering into her ear, "Our dear Spring Lord… may have plans to gather some power…" Little known fact that everyone knew about, but I was highlighting it for effect.

"And what, you expect him to cross me?" she answered back, pulling away looking at my face for any hesitation. Without detecting any, she guided me to the bed pulling me closer to her so was leaning over as she laid down, almost nearly flat. Her upper body was support by her elbows, as she snaked a finger into my collar tugging me closer. I could smell her arousal, unfortunately mine was not anywhere near. A minor overlook, one she has never seemed to mind before.

She loved pulling me, forcing me to do something I wished not to do. To please her, to keep me here in a different kind of cage, one I have yet found a way to escape… Until today. Even though it was just a voice in my head, my sister no longer part of this world to my knowledge, she had a point… I was stronger, not as strong as I once was, no, but there is some resemblance of a high lord still there.

"There's always a chance… Let me make sure." I said full of confidence.

"I've—" I cut her off, placed my hand under her chin, allowing her to look at me, a fake promise once that she had to believe.

"Just trust me" I pleaded, this was the last chance and I could not let my smile falter.

"Fine. Make it worth your time though, and worth mine right now, whore." She snapped. I had to make this worth it.

I stepped back, causing her to release a whine that was not stunning at all. I grinned, carefully, calculated, moved down to her ankle and kissing my way up. "No other being… in this world" I stated, moving my way up her leg, hoping I could get the wall to fall down for a second… My claws were ready, shadows creeping around her thoughts, "Has ever made me feel this way, my lady." I stated, while she purred, what I would give to strangle the life out of that breath. Damn everyone else, the cauldron sent me to this torture room with no escape…

I, hesitantly started to nibble my teeth against her skin, watching her body fall and rise against the bed, completely forgetting about being prompted up on her elbows. I needed her distracted, just for a second that's all I needed, all I wanted.

I stopped at the juncture of her thighs, her smell filled my nostrils, I know what she wanted, what she had planned to make me do.

'Why do you tease me so….' Her voice echoed through my head. That was it…that was my opening. Fast, without any hesitation on my head I eased my consciousness in with hers. I gave her what she wanted, every second of it.

I smiled at the thought, my daemati powers did not faltered. So many thoughts, so different, I arranged them to seamlessly flow together. I gave her, what she wanted, the pleasure the screaming and moaning of my name as she felt the sucking, lapping and swirling of my tongue.

But here I am, sitting on the bed beside her, I no longer had to serve her in that way. The first taste of freedom and she believes I am hers. Still being guided into her wishes, her wants, her desires and completely ignoring my self-worth and wellbeing.

Her thoughts, her vocal moans threatening to be heard down the halls, her panting all while picturing herself digging her sharp nails into my skull, losing control of her own body with the shaking of her hips. She wanted to keep me busy all night, make me feel and enjoy her intense climaxes. I would send her into oblivion gasping my name, without even lifting a finger to please her anymore.

(((Mature warning over))))

It was probably the lulling of freedom that clouded my thoughts at the moment, the first night where I can officially push my whore like actions to the back of my mind. My family they're finally are safe for the moment. No one would know of this moment, or the moments that follow… To Amarantha they're real. That's all that matters. She will continue to spread her lies, of how my wanting cannot be contained, how it take her all night to fill my thirst. I'll give her that and more, now that I don't have to push my body to extremes.

It was an effort of my stubbornness, perseverance, my will to keep trying. The first step was a success… I will go find the painter… the one I have been looking for.

My savior.

My light.

My…nothing.

(((((((((as always, reviews are greatly appreciated... especially this being the first time i wrote smut. I had to make it go away as quickly as possible...because the pair, they're just not right for each other :P)))))))))))


	8. Chapter 4.0

Chapter 4.0

"You were right, you know?" Amarantha breathed out, putting up her hair in some ridiculous, unflattering updo. Her back turned to me, her eyes glaring at me through the reflection of her mirror.

I clenched my hand in front of me, acting like I was forcing some cramp out of it, as I sat on the edge of her bed, "In what way?" Simple, yet very open ended question. My hand still sore from the minor breakdown I had earlier, but thankfully glamoured enough to keep it hidden.

"About Tamlin. . . He's been sending beasts across the wall, thinking I have not noticed. And that's just the tip of the iceberg with the rumors going around about my love." Irritated, she began to pluck at her hair again, not that it did much good. But she was giving some form of effort, or frustration.

I hummed, some form of warmth to provide her with agreeance. Honestly, it was the feeling of pride radiating through me. Nuala and Cerridween had been busy, manipulating, scheming and making my outing come alive.

"So we don't have much choice then, you're going, take your wraiths with you if you must. But you are going to figure out what my love has planned, and bring me back all the information I require to stop him." She stated, without giving me a moment to actually formulate a response to her first statement.

"And if I fail?" I clucked, "All do respect, one visit may not complete the task you want me to. Continued presence, warnings until the day your rule becomes official."

"We'll start with one, whores are always thirsty for more. Now leave me." A dismissal without another glance at me.

"Very well." I said as I got up, shuffling to the door. I almost was free of this chamber, almost ready to put my plan into motion.

"You're leaving for Calanmai, don't fuck it up. I already sent the Attor in warning, at least I know one of my pets listen. Talk to him before you go, my whore, he may be able to give you more information.

I bowed my head in response and walked out the door. More or less a dismissal of a conversation I did not want, nor need to have. The Attor… that monster, a myth that is given flesh in a way, it's a pitiful attempt to replicate the monsters that live, breath and thrive in the night court. I mean, Cassain still scared to enter the library, – well at least the lower levels, and Azriel won't speak of his interrogations that occurred in the prison in the darkest point, - talking to his greatest fear.

Down the hallway, the only sound that rang through my ears was my steps… my plan, my mind games actually worked. It's been years, since anything I had in mind actually worked, actually gave me a silver of a dream. A small little bit of hope.

Before I entered my room a foul stench filled my nostrils, one of fresh blood. Is she already throwing another party? It is the night of Calanmai, but she does not get any of the power benefits out of that night. Nor can she steal them. She may have blocked our full extent of being high lords, but that doesn't mean she received our power or our birthright.

I deny her the satisfaction to enjoy my excitement, noticing my power slowly returning. Nor would I ever mention it in these walls.

Shadows gathered around my feet, quickly whispering sweet nothings that was, of course, before I was slammed hard into the wall. The buzzing eased in a second until I had realized what had happened.

Nuala, smiling at me had her hand over my mouth distorting my presence. To the untrained eye, I was just another shadow in the dark and unforgiving hallways. I gave her a small nod, allowing her to release her hand from over my mouth.

Before I could ask questions. The door I stood by swung open. The Attor mumbling under his breath something about whores and their inability to please those who actually need it. Nuala, biting her lip, watched as the creature sulked away before pulling me into the room and cloaking the door.

"You pissed the creature off." Cerridween stated all too gleefully, as she sat on top of the vanity swinging her legs and gave a mischievous smile.

Nuala let out a laugh, carefree, "It's been too long, he is doubting that all these pieces are falling into place without help. He decided to put it on himself to search your room for 'clues'" she motioned her hands in quotations above her head.

"Of course, his search came up empty." Cerridween stated, quick and to the point.

"Do tell, let me guess his Spring visit was not as fruitful as he hoped." I purred, matching Cerridween's smile.

Cerridween nodded, while Nuala answered, "He's more or less said the High Lord was not pleased with Amarantha's gifts that she took her time preparing for him… And that he blantly lied to his face regarding messengers being set across the wall."

I rose my eyebrow in confusion, "I had thought that was one of your lies."

"Apparently, we were right in our guess that he was attempting to find a way." Cerridween responded.

"So you're telling me, a part of your rumors, are not rumors? How… interesting." I scoffed. Smiling at both of them, they were trained so well to blend their lies into the truth. I was still proud of them, even through all these years… I know Azriel would be too. And he's soon to get one hell of a surprise. "Well your guys' playtime is over, ladies are you ready?"

Cerridween matched Nuala's childlike giggling, these laughs coming out of these wraiths if I had not known them, it would have been terrifying. It sounded like the laugh of small fae, trapped in the woods for years never able to grow up, never able to find the true meaning of adulthood… the nightmare fae that ate anything, anyone who dared walk into the area. That was all I needed.

"So she told you to go?" Nuala mussed, asking a question she already knew the answer to.

I smiled, "Of course she told me to go." I said reaching my hands out to the wraiths, there was not even a second of hesitation when their cold, thin hands grasped into them. "How could she ever deny me what I want? Especially this close to her so called victory?"

I pulled the small fae closer to me. That's when the shadows engulfed us and we were gone.

Winnowing. I missed this. The darkness stretched around me, circling and guiding me through. It was a comfort, one I haven't been able to use in years… or afforded the opportunity to use. It was freeing… This small taste of freedom, of course I had to keep it limited... Not allowing anyone to know my small growth in power.

And that's when I saw it. The mountains that protected the night court. The night sky that ive been craving… yet Velaris, hidden to the naked eye. I knew it was right there, this damn shield I put up, it was good... too good. I just wanted a glimpse. It had dawned on me, Calanmai. My hand grazed the shield, just because the power was up over in the spring court didn't mean I couldnt high jack a bit, to lessen the strength of this shield. Just enough for them to see out, to see the wraiths.

I concentrated, both my hands flat on the shield. Took a deep breath. And closed my eyes.

Magic hung in the hair, shadows and swirling colors danced in my mind. The vision of a fortress was in front of me, I could not weaken that, though my physically and mentally my claws wanted to bash down the entire thing. I wanted to give them a chance to change my mind, I wanted to tell them that I'm alive and well. But I needed to keep them safe, where I knew where they were at… mostly where Amarantha or her goons could not find them. Something small, yet large enough to give them a show… for the wraiths to tell them that everything will be okay. One way or another.

Realization struck, a window. A window into my very soul, a window to the fortress… Azriel would feel the girls' powers and that will have to be enough.

Hesitantly I removed my hands, and faced the wraiths, "It's done." I said letting my head hang for a second.

In the dark, I saw Cerridween give a smile, one full of sorrow but yet a glimmer of hope. But wild Nuala walked up to me and cupped the bottom of my chin staring through my soul with her black eyes. "You did what you had to do, and you still do. Don't lose yourself…." She hesitated for a moment-giving the same words she always gave me-, then flashed the same smile that her sister gave, "Go. We have it here. Just remember to come get us before you return to under the mountain."

Without responding, I let the shadows engulf me again. Don't lose myself, how? I prayed on countless nights for freedom, not for myself but for the girls, for my family. I would have considered going back to under the mountain right now if I thought this was a waste of time. But I didn't. Not for a single second. This had to work, it will work. And if them staying locked away for another half century… I moved deeper away from that though. If they were locked away any longer, Armen wouldn't have to kill me. I would do it myself.

That is when the drums filled my ears. Smoke and the smell of multiple different kind of fae filled my nostrils. The tang of ancient magic caressing my skin. That's when the scent hit me like a brick wall… it had to be the magic playing games, she could not have been so idiotic to come out here. Tamlin, though a beast, must have told her to hide, to stay away. But yet the smell of human, blended into the fae.

Shit… I brushed my hand through my hair. I had to do something, but with this mask of Amarantha's whore, the deadly, relentless, and bitter pawn I had become... I had to be cruel, yet territorial. Yet save some damsel in distress. Where was Cassian when I needed him; he was the one always reading those romance novels, just in case one day he had to swoon a maiden.

"What do you want?" My ears rang with a voice cold. Human, what are you doing? Run, hide, do something than actually engage in any form of conversation.

Closing my eyes, I had to find her, but through this mist of power, magic and overall ecstasy it was more difficult that I had anticipated. I have gotten slow, unused powers unresponsive to what I wanted them to do. I don't know if they were retaliating in protest, or trying to cooperate. Either way, aggravation swam through my core.

"…A treat… To find a human woman here". A flash of naga crossed my mind, her mind was swimming towards fear, and her instinct was to stay and fight. I got to give it to the painter, she has more guts than I would have estimated.

"Get your hands off of me….stop it." A gasp; that was it. I could finally see her. Being dragged into the forest by these so called men.

'If we hide her, away from the high lord,' thoughts began to gather in my mind, 'then he would do his way with any other gal… we just have to get her deep enough into the forest'

'Why is this human fighting so bad… she knows this is inevitable.'

The other mind was just gathered with lust, wanting, and the overall image that I did not want to see. The painter, faced with the same fate as Mor. The girl I swore to, that it will never happen again.

That when my shadows carried me, behind her, her body being forced onto the ground… These fae were not high. A closer inspection, they were starved, both physically and sexually, fae that wanted nothing to do with the spring court other than to enjoy their night. With a willing fae, I would not have any chance to protest… But with my painter that was not going to happen. Especially because she was fighting, and she would do that with every ounce of energy she had left.

My painter.

My warrior.

Stop. She is my absolutely nothing, but this human that is lost in the wrong place. One where she may and will face death if she doesn't get scared.

That's when my hands grabbed her delicate, small shoulders. Light, full of fear, not what I had imagined her. In my head, I pictured a completely different woman, but yet her was this young, human girl… who was exactly who I wanted to see. My hands stayed on her shoulders for a few moments as a flashed a smile of sinister intent, looking at the three fae who were gawking in awe.

"There you are. I've been looking for you…" I purred deeply, I felt her body tense as I removed my hands. Instead of tearing, gutting and pulling out every ounce of what they called man hood out of their vile bodies, a snaked my arm around her shoulders. My small attempt to calm her down, to keep her distracted with my warmer, larger body.

"Thank you for finding her for me…" I laced these words with extra sweet venom. I was not here for them, but they would be a delightful treat for Amarantha on my return, after I rewrite what they have seen. Tripping over their feet they scuffled off, this is when the small girl stepped away from my solid embrace of safety.

Blue eyes stared back at me, laced with worry and fear, brown hair in disarray blowing amiss in the wind. I could get lost just staring at her, looking at her freckles creating small constellations of their own, I did not have to turn the sky… my favorite constellation of the hunter was plastered against her right cheek.

Not meaning to pry, her thoughts fell to me as if she spoke them, 'The most beautiful man I had ever seen'

I gave a half smile, lazily. No, darling I may not be wearing a mask like them… But beautiful… no. The most beautiful, unique, fearless being in the whole universe is standing in front of me… And she doesn't even know. There was not enough words to express what stood in front of me, who exsactly was this girl?

And at this moment I realized... That's it. By the Cauldron, I'm screwed.


	9. Chapter 4.5

Chapter 4.5

Hesitantly, this mortal girl stood in front of me. Clearly looking me up and down, maintaining my nonchalant attitude… it was more difficult than I had anticipated. I maintained my half smile, her thoughts being thrown at me like a whirlwind, no one taught her to block, to protect herself. . . She was all self taught, all for her own survival, for her family's safety.

Observant as she was, she knew I was from another court, she knew that too much sudden movements would just land her in another situation she would much rather avoid… but what she didn't know is that I, of all people, was not her savior. I was not her knight in shining armor.

I was the High Lord of the Night Court.

I was a monster.

I was no more than a man that, in some way, was trying to save my own family. My own life… that was until I met this painter face to face. We were the same… no, stop. Just stop. A mortal girl and a high lord are never the same, this game of cat and mouse will never be even or fair.

But there she was, motionless in front of me, looking at me. Her thoughts, her reactions, I was just basking in this moment. "What's a mortal woman doing here on Fire Night?" I mussed, continuing to smile at her. I just couldn't take my eyes off her… I refused. But there is that trace of fear I've been looking for.

Almost tripping over her back foot, she took a step backwards away from me. Good! Be afraid, do anything other than try to size me up… please. "My friends brought me." A lie. She lied to me, a high lord. Here I am, just being further pulled in.

"And who are your friends?" I smiled, this girl was interesting. Far more exciting in person, than in brief segments of her reality. The drums started to gather a faster beat, the Great Rite will start soon, I needed to push her harder.

"Two ladies…." She lied… again. Her heart beating faster, gooseflesh raising up on her arms, her blue eyes slightly more engulfed with black as her eyes dilate. I didn't need that much fear, just enough to keep my invisible mask present…. Enough to provide distress, but still be me.

"Their names?" I took a step further, her words questioning her reactions. Her thoughts rolling through her mortal fears that of the naga, her current state lacking her bow, then, 'Had I just traded three monsters for something far worse?'. Oh darling, you have no idea, and I had no intention on providing you true fear, just enough for you to get away. Go back to safety, until it's too late.

To put her mind at ease, slightly, I slipped my hands into my pockets digging my own nails into my palms… this was difficult. I did not wish to do this… but I had to. I chuckled at my own despair and looked towards her. She was going to answer, I didn't expect her to. "You're welcome…" I flashed another smile, "…For saving you."

No answer, again. I would take the lies over silence. I was left to battle with her brain, telling me her plans of escape. Yes, darling, keep thinking like that, get away from me but please do not run towards the damned fae they will be uncontrolled tonight, and I can't let that happen to you in good faith. Not when you have my attention, not when my dreams are my momentary reality.

"Strange for a mortal to be friends with two faeries…" This is when I started to walk around her, the least I could give her was a fighting chance. I could not provide her a weapon, I could not provide her a wall of safety as Velaris had, but I could provide her a shadow. A darkness, a shroud of limited protection, a way to cover her human smell, not completely but enough to help her have a chance. To survive, to fight. I couldn't give her much, but it was something. A small gift from the night, showing that even monsters could provide safety. That the darkness, it can give life as well as take it away. "Aren't humans usually terrified of us? And aren't you, for that matter, supposed to keep to your side of the wall?" I asked, even though I knew the answer, I've been dreaming of this girl. Seeing her adventures, her heartaches, her beautiful disasters through her eyes.

The tang of fear laced her voice, but with her shoulders straight her blue eyes staring me and my movements down, I couldn't be any less proud than I was at this moment. A human mocking, hell even challenging a high lord, "I've known them my whole life. I've never had anything to fear from them."

I wanted to laugh, to show her how ridiculous it was to lie to a high fae. But I couldn't. Her words just lingered there as I stopped in front of the bonfire, blocking her scent with mine, allowing dark talons escape from my back. Unseen by the human eye, but yet protecting a human that was naively lying to my face. The irony in that thought alone… Nuala's going to have a field day, "And yet they brought you to the Great Rite…" I rose my eyebrows, exaggerating the act, "…and abandoned you."

"They went to get refreshments…" she stated all too fast, her voice an octave higher, panic, fear and all I could do was smile, the mouse was finally caught and she knew it. Despite her fear, her will to survive she was her standing toe to toe with me telling me her lies. If she had been born fae, she would be one hell of a wild flower to deal with, her beauty was striking as a human, as a fae she would be devastating. High fae or not, she would get any man, even woman, to do what she wanted.

"I'm afraid the refreshments are a long way off," I stated, moving closer to her, I had to block her smell I had to blend it into mine… this is the most I could do for her. It was not enough, would never be enough, but I had to give something. "It might be a while before they return. May I escort you somewhere in the meantime?" I offered. This is when I removed my hand from my pocket and offered her my arm. Please… wonderful, brave, brilliant painter. Take my arm. Please.

"No." A bold statement, her body didn't want her to say no, hell even her mind didn't. But it's the battle of survival controlling her words, and her actions.

I bowed my head, and as if to rub it in, throw more dirt on the wound, I waved my hand towards the hollow, the bonfire, the sound of the drums. "Enjoy the Rite, then. Try to stay out of trouble." I stated, bluntly, rudely. I stared into her blue eyes, I wanted to tell her more, needed to tell her more. But everyone has a choice, and I cannot take that away from this girl. She's far too young for anyone to actually have heard her voice, to experience what freewill could actually do-and deal with the unfortunate consequences that sometimes came with it. I wanted to tell her to run, to hide, and to get away from me. Tonight, the only thing she should be scared of is me… the dark prince himself as I was called. Not these blood thirsty, sex deprived fae that didn't even get to bask in the power that was available here. I had to get away from her, anything I have ever gotten attached to, has been stripped away from me. I was not going to let this girl become the last thing that dangled my sanity in front of my eyes.

"So you're not part of the Spring Court?" the young girl blurted out. Unorthodox, abrupt and without much thought. I envy that. That youth, that ignorance, oh by the cauldron what I would do to live in your shoes for a day, darling.

I smiled, I should have walked away. She was protected, slightly. I smiled, acting as if I was not fascinated by her question. This girl, she wasn't going to back down. I just wanted to say thank you, kiss her hand, she gave me enough hope in one meeting than I could have ever dreamed. But our dance was almost over, someone soon enough would notice me here. I could not have that, even though I wish I could drag her into the darkness with me.

"Do I look like I'm part of the Spring Court?" I asked, I wanted to laugh again. Such a daft, yet uninformed question. She couldn't have known, she's trying to figure out this jaded world on her own, without any help from the beast. I pity her, but I couldn't let her see, or hear my interest. I laughed, mostly at myself as I covered most of my amusement with a deep breath, "No, I'm not part of the noble Spring Court. And glad of it." I said, followed by a sinister smile, placing my hand on my face where a half mask would be.

She responded by biting her lip, looking up at me. We were so close now, her sweet smell of human sweat running through my nose. She was scared, run girl… just run away. But to my own surprise, she responded back. "Why are you here then?"

Subtle, I had to be as subtle as I could. I heard a soft voice caressing my ear, "Scare her off…" it hissed. I felt my powers flicker my shadows feeding off my powers more than I had intended. The festivities are about to begin, I would not be able to protect her and I at the same time. With the sudden abrupt adjustment in power, enough to cover my exit but give her at least the last little bit of protection I could, while giving her some mortal fear.

"Because all the monsters have bene let out of their cages tonight, no matter what court they belong to. So I may roam where I wish until dawn." Not a complete lie, not a complete truth… I'm now on a mission to find those three fae, bring them to satisfy Amarantha's blood lust. I looked at her, puzzled and confused, knowing she had more questions than answers.

"Enjoy the Rite," she repeated my same words from early, but somehow made them more bland and nonchalant that I had. Quickly she turned her back to me and scurried in the group of fae. I monitored her until she ran into the fox, her small safety net. Her grasped her arm and ushered her out of the crowd.

Darkness gathered around my feet, letting my own safety of darkness absorb around me. She was safe, those vial men were not but I would have to wait for the ceremony to start for my power not to be noticed as I whisked them away.

You stupid, yet brilliant girl. At some point, I knew my mind would have to stop wandering to her. But for now… for now, I'm going to enjoy this.

Silence broke through me, as ancient magic caressed my arms, the stag has been slayed and the great ole beast is out to find his maiden, good. I can collect my 'bounty', gather the girls, hope that they are done with their party, and get back to under the mountain.

My eyes strayed to the night sky, constellations plastered across the inky blackness around the haze of the fire. At this moment, there was no more trying, I was happy.


	10. Chapter 5.0

Chapter 5.0

How wholly absurd did I think I was? I had thought my happiness would last longer than an hour.

I had tracked down the fae, there was no fight needed. Drunk, high, full of lust, and drunk on power that wasn't theirs… two of the three fainted as soon as I started to rewrite their minds with the lies the girls have been passing around. The death that is awaiting them, may not be proper justice, but for me, right now… it was just. It was exactly what these fools deserved.

It was a good plan. Winnow them into the mountains dungeons, then get the girls, then report back to Amarantha with her new play things. She would leave me alone for a few days, giving me some time to enjoy my freedom. To enjoy my sanity check.

That's when images furiously rampaged through my mind.

This wasn't my court.

I was not even supposed to be here.

Stay hidden, no interaction. Just a collection mission. Gather information, bring back proof, and get the hell out.

You stupid girl. The fox was not naïve enough not tell the young girl not to hide. It was as if someone was robbing me of my sanity as pain and lust ran through my body. The promise of safety yet sinister intent pushed through my bones. It agonized me, regret and pity raced through me. Then nothing.

Not a single ounce of fear. Not a scent of bravery. Just absolute quiet, nothingness.

I did what I could, with what power I had to keep her scent hidden and in the end it didn't do much. If I could have just brought her with me.

It still wasn't enough. I dragged my hand through my hair, tugging at that knots as it dug through. She's alive. She has to be. Tamlin, beast or not, would not ruin his chance by killing her off during the rite. I was mad, furious even, at my grown attachment to this woman it is either going to drive me to complete insanity or she's actually going to be the savior we all have been waiting for.

Either way, she is not mine to protect. She is not mine to guide. She is not…

I hurried these thoughts out of my mind and continued to rewrite the minds of the fae. I only had a few hours to sunrise… and I still had to provide Cerridween and Nuala enough time.

"You know, your inner turmoil is quite entertaining." A woman's voice rang through me. She's not here, she can't be here. Voices of the dead, more often than not, have been telling me, leading me, and directing me too much in this past year.

"Go away…" I grumbled under my breath, as I leaned my head against a nearby tree, shoving my fists into my jacket pockets. I needed to recollect myself. I flexed my hands, just breath. Just a few more trips of winnowing, then I can be in the safety of my stale secluded room, entertained by the girl's adventure of tonight.

"Oh, but brother…" Mumbled the voice, I ignored the metallic tang of magic that touched me. That was it, the upgraded power of the spring court, of course it would make me physically see my nightmares, my visions more clearly. I needed to gather myself, I needed to concentrate on what was actually going on. Not my 'up and rising' insanity.

"Brother, you can actually acknowledge me, you know." She mussed, I opened my eyes and there she was. Full of youth, adventure, swinging her legs off a branch she perched herself on. Her dark wings hanging behind her, her head cocked to the side, with her signature half smile plastered on her face. Her deep purple eyes, mocked my own, full of sorrow and questions.

I leaned back on the tree, I pursed my lips together. The sooner I deal with this grief and burden, the sooner I can continue on. There's only so much inner turmoil and conflict a man could take, hell even a High Lord. I was in a position I neither wanted nor needed at this moment, but yet here I am forced to deal with it yet again. "What is it you want?"

Staring at me, shadows whisking around her… that was it. She was figment of my imagination, brought to life with ancient magic, giving me something to grasp onto. "You know it's okay, right?" She asked, her voice a little less cheerful, but still firm.

My gut tightened, my mind is making me have a conversation in acceptance… one I have been avoiding. I opened my mouth to explain myself, to somehow wish this conversation another way.

"You don't need to answer, I'm just here to tell you that it's okay. Everything that has happened, that will happen, it isn't your fault. It has never been your fault…." She paused for a moment, staring me down. Firm, believing in her own words. She would have been one hell of a leader, if she was ever given the chance, "Please brother, share the blame. Don't keep it bottled up, it's going to kill you one day." She again stopped her words, her body more frigid than it should have been, she was as still as the dead. Her body didn't have the normal breathing movements, nor did she need it. She wasn't actually here.

I tried to move, tried to come up with something to argue her words. But they were my words, these were my thoughts. There was nothing but guilt, shame, and the lack of acceptance. It was wrong to put her face on these thoughts, nor was it fair to taint my own memories of her.

"She's alive, you know? You haven't failed her yet."

I swallowed hard, "Are you sure?"

She smiled, "Brother, it will be okay. There's a reason for all of this," her words stopped abruptly, interrupted by a grunt of one of the fae that were on the ground. I kicked off the tree, shit I got to get them back to under the mountain and get the girls.

I leaned down, place my hand on the grunting man and allowed him to go back into a slumber. I looked up to respond, but my sister, my distraction was no longer there. At the moment, no longer my burden to bear. I laughed under my breath, how did I get so far lost? No one will share this burden with me, nor do I want to share it. I'm a liability. A ticking time bomb.

My own shadows caressed my skin, it was almost dawn. I had just enough time to complete this plan of mine before scurrying away like the monsters that I rule over. And with that, I allowed the breeze to kiss my skin and guide me to my destinations.

Everything will be okay.

My darling painter is still alive to fight another day.

I'm finally not alone.

(((xxx)))

It had seemed while traveling my load had become a lot lighter, my muscles no longer carrying dead weight. It had seemed my shadows had guided my carry-ons to their new destination in the dungeons, allowing my ability to carry me right to the girls. I was cutting it close, too close. Wonderful Amarantha is going to expect a full report, hopefully my new found friends wake up sooner rather than later.

Wind caressed my face, as the mountains of my home came into view. But it was not how I left it.

Large scorch marks plastered the soil, a tree stood bare blackened by some unknown flame, this small section of land that was full of life no more than twelve hours ago, was now twisted with the stench of burnt leaves and death. I examined a little closer, and there sat two half wraiths, covered in soot, giggling on the scorched earth.

Black carbon covered their bodies head to toe, almost matching the black of their eyes. As their giggling just echoed through the air, the white teeth clashing with their blackened skin.

"Ladies…" I started. I put my hands, palms out towards them not to induce any fear from them, I have already scared enough people for today.

Nuala opened her eyes more widely, and smiled broadly at me, "High Lord!" her voice squealed as she scrambled up to her feet. She grasped onto my hand, instead of just holding onto it as I had anticipated she embraced me. Unfiltered, uninterrupted happiness. What exactly happened during their outing? Cerridween blinked, probably expecting her sister to show some form of a collected calm, she was hiding her smile as she got up brushing off her legs slightly. Noticing it was not helping, she sighed and walked towards me as well.

"High Lord," she stated, bowing her head, smiling at the embrace that was occurring. I have yet fully accepted the hug, my arms were still hanging past the small wraith. Awkward is the best description I had at this moment.

"What did you two do?" I turned to them, knowing their childlike laughter and unusual happiness had to be caused by something.

Nuala's lips twitched as she let go of my shoulders and stood by her sister, Cerridween was attempting to tightly clamp her lips together acting like this was a serious situation, while her amusement and humor danced in her eyes.

"Ladies…" I had to figure out what happened here, this was the only place that I had known it was free of prying ears and stealthy eyes.

"We danced naked under the moonlight and sacrificed to our fire gods." Cerridween said, hissing through her teeth and it was at that time, Nuala completely lost it. Her small frame hunched over, laughing, grabbing onto the space under her rib cage, there was even tears of excitement forming in her eyes. Her sister, unable to maintain her nonchalant composure any longer, smiled widely, and began to laugh under her breath, attempting to cover it up with coughing.

I have missed something.

I lifted my eyebrow, what the hell happened? There was no way that they got through the shield. There was no way either party got through that shield. All these girls had to do was give a sign that I was still alive, that they were well, and we had a plan. Not a fully discussed nor an exact plan, but still a plan nonetheless.

I have intended on coming back to these half wraiths who would be either exhausted, or bickering… but instead, to my surprise they were as black as night, and laughing like school girls.

Noticing my discomfort, more likely my confusion, Cerridween calmed herself down enough to speak calmly once again, "Sorry, High Lord." She paused looking at me more confidently, "We had anticipated a small bon fire, much like the ones at Calamani—"

"But there was a hiccup!" Interrupted her sister, after receiving a glare full of daggers, she bowed her head down and started to haul together small bits of branches into a small pile. An action to keep her more distracted than productive.

"A hiccup?" I asked, my eyebrow had to be on top of my forehead by now, confusion was just raising through me.

"Well we had thought we would use some of the power from the Spring Court, in theory it would have brightened up the fire enough for someone to see through the shield. However…." Cerridween rambled off, someone was still there watching all of our movements. That's why they were stalling going back to the under the mountain. They could not see them, but the one in the court can. Whoever it was, saw their smiling faces, the explosion of uncontrollable power, and the confusion plastered across my face. My face that is usually pained with sorrow and regret, now had a half smile and the tinkle of hope lingering behind it. It had made sense.

Cerridween voice still rambled on, explaining how it wasn't completely their fault the fire had lost control, or how they had lost track of time controlling the wild fire that had killed the field. But my mind traveled somewhere else, back to where Velaris would be. This was for our own safety, as well as our sanity… not just the amusement of the girls that had occurred. I had to admit, it would have been one hell of a show.

Ushering the girls to finish up what they were doing, more or less clean up the mess they had made, I walked over to the shield one last time, before closing my eyes I glanced at the night sky. It is said it always darkest before dawn, that has never been any truer than it was right now. The darkness that heals. That was this feeling of safety, security and hope that washed over me.

I embrace the darkness, the calm, completely and shut my eyes… just a glance, that's all I needed. There was the structure I had created once again… the large walls protecting what looked like to be an old castle… just with the slight give, a small window like structure in the wall. I walk up to the opening I had created, seeing a large wide stairwell behind it allowing whoever felt the difference in power to observe what had happened. Much to my disapproval, the entire area was vast and empty and only the early morning winds filled my ears.

Why were the girls so happy then? What had given them so much hope? They were trained to embrace the watchful eyes, to do exactly what is expected of them when they are watched… but never to fake happiness so genuine, so carefree.

Then there he was.

Tanned skin, hazel eyes staring out into the darkness, and scarred hands grabbing onto the small rail that had formed. Hardly noticeable rings formed around his eyes, the small ting of perspiration as well… He could see us. We could not talk, could not give any physical contact. But my brother… he was right there. Likely as added safety, he had surrounded himself with dark shadows, corrupting his full frame, and also limiting the presence of his own power. Always thinking ahead. Always scheming.

We didn't need to say anything, nor would I even know where to begin… He nodded at me, giving me a smile, such a movement is rare on his face, as I nodded back and removed my hands from the shield. No matter how bad we wanted to, I needed to get us back to under the mountain. Seeing my brother, a great shadowsinger, one of my greatest friends… I know why he showed up by himself. He was the only one that can walk away, even when he doesn't want to. He likely did not tell anyone else of this scene. By the cauldron what I would give to see all of them, just for thirty seconds, even if that meant facing my death by Amren's hands. It would be worth it… all of this would be worth it.

Hearing the scuffling of feet, I was reminded I'm not alone and cannot risk the lives of others, even if I wanted to enjoy freedom for a few more seconds.

"Girls…" I managed to say lightly as a pair of black eyes stared back at me, "Let's get out of here… We have much more work to do…"

And with that, grabbed the girls lightly by their shoulders as my shadows guided us back to under the mountain… Amarantha's blood thirst would have to be satisfied somehow, and what was better than providing her a brain washed fae, that wouldn't' remember his pain?


	11. Chapter 5.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my longest chapters ever. Hope you guys are enjoying it.
> 
> Next two chapters are the wonderful winter court.... I'm working my way to under the mountain with feyre, shell get there.

Chapter 5.5

I heard a screeching voice down the hallway as soon as my shadows guided me back. Ushering the girls back to whatever area they felt was safe, I ran my hand through my hair grabbing at the knots… I had thought I had more time to relax and formulate a plan. To enjoy my momentary lapse in fear and self-loathing, and enjoy happiness for five minutes of my life.

I have been wrong so many times these past few years. Was it too much to ask for?

I scuffed down the hall, dragging my feet and kicking up debris when I came across it. I was not going to go running to the rescue of those three men, wasn't my time nor place to. They should have never tried to rape a mortal girl nor take her away from the Great Rite. Not that I would have done differently, escorting her away, of course. But I would have provided her with safety, the essence of darkness, not a reason to fear the shadows, but instead to embrace them.

Her interrogation tactics were brutal at best. Always coming up empty handed, leaving the bodies malformed and broken, and more or less at the same point she was at when she started. That was when she didn't receive any assistance from the Attor or me.

She always led with emotions and feelings, always knowing that someone was watching her and trying to undermine her. Little did she know, she was right, but I was not going to be the one to admit it. I just had to cooperate enough for her to keep granting the girls and me freedom. Only a little longer. The day will come where either I, have to kill myself, and transfer the power of the night court to someone more worthy, or try to find a way out of this blighted curse. Until that day, I will continue fighting. Or at least try to.

That is, of course, if my mind doesn't completely lose grip on reality and send me into a spiral of insanity, pain and suffering of my own creation.

"You have an audience, my lady…" hissed the Attor as I banked around the corner. The sulking creature standing to the side of Amarantha, likely whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

She smiled, straightened her poster and pulled her corset down to show more of her exposed breasts. The action was unnecessary, me with my rising shame and disgust, whatever this woman chose to do… I would just pile more self-loathing onto myself.

Without noticing the pause, I flashed a sinister smile back at her, motioning my hand towards the three men who desperately wanted out of their new found prison. My eyes darkened when I had taken notice. Two of the three men had been trying to claw their way out. Dried blood around their nails, bruised knuckles, they were fighting just to have a chance, just to live for one more day. I had taken that away from them.

Not Amarantha.

Not my family.

Me.

And why? To do what I felt was right in a moment of anger. This day was going great at the rising of the sun, now I'm back down to my torment under the damn mountain. Nothing has changed.

"Did you bring me these gifts?" she asked, drawing a lazy line down my chest with her finger nail, digging in slightly as if to gather more of my attention. I had looked distracted, I needed to fit my mask once again. If she had noticed that my mind was elsewhere, I had to do something to rectify that.

"Of course, I thought you would like a new play thing or two." I answered, turning her around and nuzzling the side of her throat. Goose flesh rose, and the moan she responded with was more than enough to show me that she believed the words I had said. However, it was enough of a distraction, at least for now.

She then clasped her hands together, and smiled with excitement, the sign of misery and death shone through her eyes. Worry gnawed me the most, what if I didn't give these men enough? What if my powers faded away mid-way through interrogations? What if they suffer?

Not my problem.

It can't be my problem.

I cannot save everyone, despite what I want.

"I'll leave you to it, then…" I whispered into her ear and stepped away from her. Turning on my heel, I had to get out of here. I've done what I could for these men, wishing no more than a peaceful passing for them. I just had to get away. I could not, would not witness whatever torment she had planned for them. Right now, I'm not in the right state of mind to provide a full sinister intent and hide my quickly fading happiness at the same time.

I had almost reached the arch way, my exit to the hallway leading to my small sanctuary when she looked over her shoulder, "High Lord?"

Stopping dead in my tracks, and giving a half turn, so she could see my face, flashing her the same menacing smile she gave me, "Yes?" I responded firm, matching the same confidence my sister had given me just hours before. That of which, seems like a life time ago.

"Tell me again, what is the symbol of your court?"

My heart stopped. Sank in my chest, a cold chill raced down my spine. What had she intended on doing with the symbol, my family's symbol? Why would she even dare ask that? Sweat lined my brow, my teeth grinded together in defiance but instead of lashing out in anger, in defense. "A mountain with three stars." I stated, calmly and cool-y.

"Excellent, thank you high lord. Come back in a few hours after you wash up. I will have a gift for you to give my love, Tamlin. Then we will be going on a trip in a day or so, after the fear settles a bit. I'd suggest you dress warm, my whore." A dismissal. Her eyes were set on other prey at this time.

It no longer mattered at this time what she had intended on doing, no words of protest would ever change her mind. Nor did I have the energy to provide such an argument. Had I made a mistake using so much of my cache energy during Calanami?

No matter, it's too late now. The outcome now is already decided by fate and I'm along for the ride. That daring mortal could not defend herself, nor was she prepared to. I had to do something, I could not just leave her completely defenseless. Those fae deserve this… They had to.

Words rang through my ears, the ones of my sister, telling me, pleading with me that this is not my fault. However, every turn, every decision I make seems to have dire consequences for someone or something I touch. What if next time it's not fae intended on raping a mortal girl? What if it is stubborn and strong Cassian chained up, his wings being sawed off slowly in front of me? What if it is cunning and beautiful Mor is handed over Eris? What if it is calculating and unforgiving Azriel was thrown back into a cage that is too small? What if it is the mortal and mysterious painter thrown to the wolves in the pit of darkness that I call home at this time? What if it is the nightmare that I call family, Armen…? My thoughts stop there. No one would ever imprison her. Maybe if I just let her out of Velaris, this entire situation, my entire life, would be solved.

I shoved through my door, allowing it to slam behind me to interrupt my thoughts, distracting me long enough to realize I was alone. For a single moment, I can take a breath and calm down. My thoughts had to stop… forever thinking about that what ifs… it's not becoming of a high lord.

The girls were off scheming, as normal, being my ears when I needed them and lending me their hearts on my moments of breakdown. Hell, dare I say it I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for those two always monitoring me and distracting me when my own sorrows corrupted my path.

How much longer can I do this?

I grumbled under my breath as I continued onto my room, collecting clean clothing for a shower that I was already preparing in the other room. What level of hell will she put me through next? Redundant question. I already knew that answer, I just didn't want to face it yet.

I gathered myself enough by the time I stepped into the shower. Luke warm water rushing down my neck, as my head leaned against the wall. At this time, I allowed my wings to form behind me sending chills down my spine as the water caressed the base of them. This brief moment of peace, that is all I needed all I wanted.

"Rhys…" A voice whispered, in my ears. Whoever it belonged to was not here. This was just a cruel, impossible lie.

I felt a tender, caressing, and tug in my chest forcing me to open my eyes. I no longer stood in the shower, I stood on a balcony outside my room in Velaris. The morning sun rising over the mountains, the mountain breeze brushing against my bare chest. My feelings of regret, defeat and sadness no longer aching at my core. Yet despite the momentary lapse in despair, there was a creeping malice about it. I'm not here. I can't be here. Everything that I have done, worked towards would be for nothing if I just winnowed myself to my bedroom.

"Rhys…" the same voice pestered me again as I turned around. The mortal girl, stood there on my balcony. Her head held up, back straight. Just standing there staring at me with heart felt eyes.

I could honestly get lost in the blue grey of them. Pure and unaltered with the traits of suffering scattered through them.

Then thoughts hit me like a whirlwind, allowing me to know this scenario did not make sense. She doesn't know my name. She had never seen the night court. What is she doing here? Who even brought her here? My borders have been closed to outsiders for almost fifty years-hell, even longer-, much older than this girl that stood in front of me. She walked up to me, her hand reached up and cupped my cheek. Almost instinctively, I leaned in.

She propped her head to the side, a movement that was less mortal than it should have been. The angle was off, her head shifted too fast, her bronze hair draped over her shoulder, as her smile… It was no longer than loving, carefree, youthful smile that I had seen. It was cunning, demented and obscure. She began to tap her fingertips on my face, allowing her finger nails to make contact with the soft skin.

"You killed them, you know? You imprisoned men that just wanted a quick fuck, you sentenced them to death. I'm pretty sure the sentence for rape isn't death... at least not in my world." She mused. Why is my mind allowing such a beautiful painter, be corrupted, misguided, and wrong? "What was the point in saving me? I'm going to die anyways. We both know this." She continued.

Her words stung like a knife through the chest. True, strong, and not a word I can say to argue them. Despite wanting to. Despite the need to just pick her up and show her the joy she has brought me many nights.

I'm not here, this is not real. I need to get back to my reality. The thoughts hit me like a brick wall, in my reality my wings were still present, and I was not going to allow Armartha see them, and use them against me. I'm too close freedom to be thrown back into another pit of despair.

I leaned forward, grabbed the mortal girl by her shoulders and shoved her against the first solid wall I could find. "You're not here." My wings flared behind me, despite my desperate want for her touch, I had to stop. It was unfathomable why my mind has been playing so many tricks on me. How much longer do I have to be tormented by my thoughts that corrupt every last good thing that I had to latch onto?

"But I am here, High Lord, you have to wake up!" Her voice shrieked back at me, but the same corruption flashed through her face. Her face providing far more judgement than her words could ever provide me.

I snarled, I had no other response as I shifted my one hand to her throat, that's when I saw it… the flash of the shadows. Shadows danced across her blue eyes, that's when I saw her pupils expand engulfing the blue into full black. Despite, this anger ran through my veins, filling my unchecked rage, I knew I had lost track of reality and I was stuck in a world of my own doing.

That's when a full sting flashed across my face. Where her hand played gently with my cheek no more than a few seconds again, burned and felt like fire. My vision hazed for a moment, the morning light of the sun in hues of purples and oranges, changed to the dim candle lit room. My hand was now on Cerridween's throat, her feet dangling beneath her. Her black eyes staring at me, her face full of anger and confusion as her small fingers grasped my hand prying the strength off her neck. Her glare said it all… she hit me. Full force, no regrets, just full on anger to get me out of the daze I was stuck in.

I gathered myself, releasing the small wraith. My hand then went into my damp hair, trying to regather what little sanity I had left. I had tried to harm Cerridween, because I was stuck in some dream land... trying to smoother the last little bit of happiness I had. Kill it with fire is an understatement now, more like strangle the life out of anything I hold dear to stop it from being harmed by that of which I fear.

I glanced over at the half wraith, she was still cycling through her breathing on the ground. She had sunken down to her knees, gasping slightly. Not a trace of fear was seen, just straight unaltered anger yet understanding. Perhaps it was petty and selfish, to think that I could push away these girls. Cerridween got up to her feet, rubbing the back of her neck, allowing me to scan her for any other injury, any sign of blood, tainted skin, anything.

The air was thick with awkwardness, mostly from my part, I looked at Cerridween, "I'm—"another slap landed on my face.

"That was for trying to kill me." I glanced away, I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. She was not one to judge, she was the stronger of the two twins. Stronger in a sense of she was more heartless, more brutal with her tactics, but beneath it, I knew she had the larger heart.

I needed to apologize. I needed to get the words out, I cannot have the girls thinking that any time I could lose my mind that I would be a threat to them as well. Like the answer to a thousand-year old riddle, it was more difficult that I had anticipated to garner the courage to express my apology. "Cerridween, I'm-"

I had gotten out more words this time, but her hand landed on my face one more time. "I don't care what you are, High Lord. I told you to stop playing in your dream land. I'm not your friend, I swore an oath to not let you lose yourself. I'm not pissing off Armen." She then motioned her hand to underneath my chin and forced me to look at her. Her resolve was my sanctuary at this time. "What do you expect High Lord, one day you will regain your powers and have way more important things to do... and when that day comes, I want to have you in my debt somehow." She stated, giving a wink and letting me go.

That's when the door creeped open, Cerridween providing a wall of shadows around me until she realized it was Nuala who smiled at her sister, then rose her eyebrow at me before laughing. "Did you piss her off?" she mussed as she pointed at me face, "Naked and a large welt on your right cheek, must have been one hell of a time."

Her sister sighed, her brows furrowed, "Anyways, high lord, the reason why I came to fetch you is that it's time for you to go with the Attor to deliver Tamlin's gift." At this time, Nuala threw a towel at me and motioned me to move as she started to look for proper clothing.

I did not answer, I just allowed my jaw to clench. I'm just being used to winnow the Attor to do as he pleases, with a gift that is marked with the symbol of my court.

I had to make sure to act as 'normally' as possible. Cool, collected, put together, not this shit show that I have spiraled into. I tried to kill Cerridween. . . what if it was the mortal? If the same scenario played out the way it did in my mind, she would be dead and all hopes of freedom, safety would be gone.

By the time I exited my room, and bid farewell to the girls. It was well into the night, setting this place as perfect illusion of peace. I continued to walk as the shadows gathered around my feet and carried me to the dungeons. I just had to face it, had to do as I was told and expected.

Her cream colored gown, now tainted with the splatter of red, her face the same color as her painted lips. It was not beautiful, it was not a work of art... it was lady death standing in front of me, proud of her job well done.

I offered a feline smile, baring my teeth, I had to make it anything but pleasant, "I see you threw another party without me." I mussed, as I glanced at the Attor, "Are you ready to go? I've become inpatient waiting for you to finish up a five minute job."


	12. Chapter 6.0

Chapter 6.0

"Do you have to make it look so gruesome?" I mumbled under my breath, watching as the Attor positioned the bleeding head of the High Fae. He was being careful, moving the head, where in the morning sun, the screaming face of our latest victim would be seen by the first person who came out to the garden. Fresh blood trailed the statue, his now pale eyes staring lifelessly in fear, agony and pain.

By the cauldron, please don't let the painter find him. My mind, why the hell does it keep wandering to her. She's not the important, she's another girl, just another mortal stuck in a place she doesn't belong. She's always there, lingering in the back of my mind, like another lost soul that I feel the need to guide to the safety of the shadows, my home. This is not something I need, or even want to think about at the moment, not with all the possibilities of negative actions coming out of it.

The crunching of bones interrupted my thoughts, the Attor was pulling out was left of his teeth. This display, though nothing compared to what Azriel could do with his eyes closes, was enough to make me tremble. It was enough to make me want to take down the head and at least give it the proper resting place with his body. Something, just another thing, which was well out of my control.

Is this the blight that this woman wanted? It is one thing to rule with respect and loyalty, it's a whole other thing to rule with fear. My father had ruled with fear, look at the damn court of nightmares. . . Me, I took a different approach, one that had worked out a lot better than other options had. Despite the mask that I wore, even with other courts, everyone had a choice. The ability to say yes, or no without any reprisal... It's too late now to show the world what my court truly is.

The splashing of the fountain echoed in my head, knowing the Attor was stomping around in it, whether he was attempting to get a rouse out of me, and some poor unsuspecting victim I cannot say. The way it was positioned, the blood trailing down the statue, the awkward position of the head, it was a court posturing. With the night court stamp for everyone and their mother to see.

If my father was still here, blight or not, he would have done this, and left scalped heads and skulls floating in the water just to show everyone what court was stronger. No one crossed the Night Court, fortunately my father and my grandfather were the main reason for that. Unfortunately, if my father was still here, he would leave me to die to claw my way through once again... or else face my own consequences if I could not and/or I needed saved. He attempted to make me a ruthless killer, without any pity or sorrow to plague my soul, but my ability to see into the mind of others absolutely blew that training out of the water. As soon as I understood their pain, their lives I didn't have it in me to take another's life. My sister on the other hand, she was sweet, youthful, strong, but when given an order to kill she had no quarrel. No pity. Always just blamed it on the orders she was given. But her age, her lack of experience was what killed her in the end. If she was first born, she would have made one hell of a high lady, if our father allowed it. Being honest, I think he was still grooming her to do so, just in case. He always expected one or both of us to fail, always scheming, planning, having a backup plan in case the initial plan didn't work out the way it was supposed to.

I no longer wanted to imagine the what-ifs. The-what ifs and maybes will throw my plans into disarray, along with my momentary loss of reality. I know psychology, the way the brain works I play with enough people's minds to allow me that knowledge. I'm showing the early signs of trauma, almost the beginning signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. The flashbacks, the nightmares, the disorientation between reality and make believe (the creation of my own reality), the avoidance of places/people, the constant nagging of fear/anger/guilt, the presence of anger, the belief that everything is my fault, and my limited interest in things. I'm psychoanalyzing myself. What has this world come to? By the cauldron, are you entertained now?

I gauged the distance, the time it to get back to under the mountain if we were detected. The chance was slim- to not -for that happening, due the early morning darkness and shadows shielding us from an unsuspected onlooker, someone would not even know we were here unless they were on top of us, and even then it would take someone physically running into one of us to suspect a thing. I shook my head, the Attor would attack as soon as he thought he had heard something. So all I could do was pray that no one was brave or stupid enough to follow the sound of disrupted water and heavy breathing.

I glanced in his direction, blocking out the scene that was on display, "Are you finished yet?"

The Attor looked over his shoulder, passed his leathery wings, as his claws dug in the head more positioning it farther onto the spike, in a low voice hissed back, "Well if the High Lord wasn't scared to get his pretty little hand dirty, this job would already be done."

I gave a feline smile, as I acted as if I was picking dirt out of underneath my fingernails, "I wouldn't be able to entertain our lady covered in the blood of her newest slayed enemy, would I?"

The animal scoffed, "She enjoys the sight of blood, whore, if you would be of assistance once in a while using your hands other than your mind games, you may be able to do more to please her."

"Please," I responded back, "I do enough."

"Who knew how much a man could please someone with their cock." The Attor responded back. He was trying to get me to respond, his black eyes went back to his work, away from me. I felt the fury deep in my gut, an anger that I couldn't act on but one day, one day I would dig a knife deep enough within the animal and burn him alive. I would watch the fire burn him alive, and allow all my rage dig into him, allowing the creature to be consumed by my frustration.

"It seems that I have more influence than you..." The Attor went stiff for a moment, before he stepped out of the pool of red, "If I must say, it seems that I may be around longer than you... Especially if I have anything to say about it." I purred.

He walked up to me, shoulders back straight, allow his wings to flare behind him slightly, such an insignificant wing span, if I wear Cassian I would have busted up laughing already. Thankfully I had more self-control than that, slightly, but enough for this moment not to be howling and passing out attempting to hold my breath.

"I'm onto you, High Lord." He hissed, which snapped me out of my momentary lapse of judgement, "I will find out what you've been up to with those little wraiths of yours. Playing in the shadows, I'm a creature of the night, did you expect me not to notice?"

I allowed a snarl to escape my lips, after trips to Hewn City, the wonderful court of nightmares, and living in my own hell under the mountain I was not going to let this prick get away with his insinuations, no matter how true they may be. Where was Armen when I needed her, she wouldn't care to shed a little... correction, plenty of blood if it was needed. Even when it wasn't.

Regaining what little composure I had, as I gave a teasing yet malevolent smile, "Creature of the night, huh?" I asked, shoving my hands in my pockets, "What powers of the shadows do you possess? What nightmares have you plagued on yourself to accept the different levels of the dark? Have you met the lady death? Sat on a throne of your enemies, while basking in the blood of those slain, drinking a nice glass of red wine? When you do, please address me as creature of the night, until then I recommended shutting up, unless you want me to take the shadows from you so you can form your own."

The Attor conceded, "As you wish High Lord, for what it's worth the job is finished."

I winked, it was an effort not to snarl once again as I offered him my hand, "Well, creature of the night," my face was twisted in condescension, "Unless you can winnow on your own, I'll take you back to your cave."

No more words were spoken as the shadows twisted around us and guided us back to under the mountain.

(((xxx)))

Hours, days have past, I'm not sure since I've lost count of the days since I've been locked away. I now sit on the arm of a throne, that was similar to the one that sat in the court of nightmares, but the minor details were wrong. Off balance, and erroneous. Where have I gone wrong? Despite my talons grasping out, the visions of the spring court's greens and rolling hills have evaded me. The voices of my sisters, my brothers have yet nagged me in cauldron knows how long. Instead I have been burdened with worry, loss, and pain. Perhaps it was me being petty, maybe even selfish to even think, or dream that I would be reaching out to a mortal to distract me. To give me hope in these dark days of mine.

I am a lost cause.

Ranting. That's what Armanatha was doing at this moment. What I would give for silence. Just a moment to recollect my thoughts, and start wording all my apologizes I would have to give eventually if I continue to try to push through.

At that moment, it was as if I had asked to soon, the whole room went motionless, still and completely quiet. A cold chill shot down my back, sending goose flesh up my shoulder blades and caressing the base of my neck, another daemati.

Restoring some of the some of my needed barriers during Calamani, counting my blessing and thanking the cauldron I did. By all means, this individual was not the strongest mind reader I have ever encountered, but at the moment the possibility of someone crawling into my mind is terrifying. Something that cannot, and will not happen. I cannot allow it. The secrets that someone would pry out of my mind... I would rather die than give up Velaris. A fitting death, especially since I am the only one under the mountain that can even breath the name.

A young man walked forward, feather like white hair, icy blue eyes and skin as pale as snow, a member of Winter Court, or at least a descendant of it. Smiling widely, and bowing his head in respect to Armanatha, who corrected her posture almost immediately and ushered me off her armrest. She smiled widely, wildly even as she pressed her breasts out and twirled her red locks in a flirtatious manner. To think, I was the one named whore here. A title that will take more than a century to get rid of after I leave this hell hole.

Scuffling to my feet, I fixed my top, pulling down on the lapels and stepping off her pedestal. I glanced at the man as I walked past him, who had seemed to be deep in thought when he viewed me. I felt the pounding against my shields, twisted in shadows and as black as night. If he could find his way back out I would be surprised, amazed actually for such a young man to have developed his powers enough to even find my fortress. The man smiled, his teeth shone as white as bone. Death and destruction shone through his eyes, he was a natural born killer and with Armantha on the throne he would hone his skill, uncorrected and unchallenged. In my court, I would have found use for him as a spy, if not found worthy, a nice little cell by the bone craver would serve him well enough. Until, of course, I found something worth his time to earn his freedom. Out of the borders of the night court.

He bowed his head, and stared her down with his blue eyes. Those glacier like eyes hardened when the returned to her face, "There seems to a problem in the Winter Court, my lady." He spoke firmly, not even an ounce of regret was traced in his voice.

Why would a man give up his own court? What did this woman offer him in order for his service to be provided? I glanced passed the man, towards the High Lord of the Winter Court. Kallias, living under the mountain as I, his already pale skin now looked translucent, so the quick fading fear was erased from his face almost instantly. I saw the man biting the side of his cheek, dare I say hard enough to draw blood. A reaction that no one would notice right away, unless they were looking for it. Unfortunately, all of us High Lords are under watch at all times, he had to be more careful, more aware... As my thoughts wandered away, the winter court spy continued on.

"There has been recent talks about rebellions, your sources were correct, and I confirmed. Now a few have been dealt with ahead of time, my lady, but I have some gifts for you in the winter court, if you care to join me." He mused.

"Excellent!" the red haired woman almost screamed as she clapped her hands together, "No better time than now to provide an example to everyone what is expected and the punishment for those who don't follow the rules. It is almost time for my love to return, after all." She stood up and approached the man and grabbed under his chin and planted a slobby, excited kiss on his check, "I really do like gifts." She paused for a moment, "Rhysand!" she screeched after me.

Her voice screamed through me like nails on a chalk board, I didn't want to hear any of this. I wanted to go back to the safety and sanctuary of my room. Where me and my wraiths could relax, converse and finer tune our plan. Of course, with words piercing through me, that plan had come to a screeching halt.

I turned my head, stopped on my heels and held out my arm for Armantha to snake hers around it, "Yes?" I asked, already knowing the question, statement actually that was going to come from her lips. Disgust and horror trembled through my bones, every part of my being wanted me to run, every fiber wanted me to kill her when this lady slept, but her I am snaking my way deeper into the lion's den.

"I promised you a trip did I not, whore?" she mused towards me as she smiled wider, "Be ready as soon as I am... It won't take long, we have people that are expecting us."

There was nothing else that needed to be said as I guided her down the hallway to her room, before she departed behind her door kissing her check in the same fashion she had touched the other daemati. Satisfied, she locked herself away in her own made cell, preparing herself for whatever havoc she had planned.

It had seemed that my summer solstice was going to be at the winter court. Not my choice of a vacation spot, but it had seemed that there was a darker intent behind than trip than just screwing mindlessly and invoking some kind of fear from this court. I'm going to be forced to be a part of this... or worse yet a witness to whatever terror that is about to occur.

This all will be worth it. It has to be.


	13. Update

Not dead!!! Just this chapter is a long one.... It will be up in the next few days I swear!! Trying to get the small details about the incident that occurred at the court and trying to blend it in to include the message spring court will get. Don't worry!! It will be worth the wait


	14. Chapter 6.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ill explain a little more in next chapter what he saw... but that's it so far. Hope you all liked it. I just felt if I started explaining it more in this one it would be never ending.

Chapter 6.5

Cold bitter air caressed my skin, the breeze sending aches through my bones, matching the same guilt and fear that I felt in the pit of my stomach. Something was not right. The nagging and pulling my own body responded with, the freeze fight or flight reaction that even more core retorted to... something was wrong, corrupt... and I'm here to enjoy the ride. The quiet whispers of Amarantha's cronies that I could not pinpoint who was saying what, and I dare not linger and out stretch my abilities past my own mind... In fear of the other demantri. I could not leave my own mind distorted and unprotected. But this action, it left me defenseless to predict what was to come.

I had forgotten how unforgiven the dark was. It provides safety, calm, and hope but if left to its own devices it is cold, manipulative, and will steal everything you hold dear. The court of nightmares and the court of dreams, yin and yang, two sides of the same coin... How could I ever forget that this pit of sorrow and obscurity was still there to nag if I ever gave into it?

I had to remain cool, calculated. In a quiet and quick decision, I knew I had to stay fully aware what was going on. No reaching out to the painter, who gave me light and hope, no digging into my own mind to find my sister, who guided me through some of my darkest times providing me something to grab onto even if its my own mind that tricked itself into believing something.

My world has turned into a world of gray, in this dark and secluded place I had found my solace.

"Majority of the rebels have been taken care of," the winter spy mused, walking in front of me alongside Amarantha, "But I would think you would have thought of a better way to deal with this problem than I."

The red headed woman laughed in response. Dark, conceding whatever she had planned now, there was nothing I could do. I will find a way, somewhere in this never-ending darkness, there had to be a way.

"Most of them are rounded up in a village right over there," the demantri pointed in the direction over a small hill, the smoke from the houses filling the sky with a thin film, "I had full intentions on just destroying the whole village due to the fact that they went there for safety—"

"Oh that certainly would not do, my pet." She interrupted the man, waving her hand in his face, "To deal with rebels, you have to send a message one indicating that we do not stand for such injustice."

The looked at each other for a brief moment, before stopping on their heels and turning their attention to me a sinister smile stared back at me escaping ruby lips.

"Let me and my whore talk about possibilities of proper judgement." I swallowed as she snaked her armed around mine, and put her thin hand into my own.

"I must detest this plan of yours..." The young man started, reaching his hand out for Amarantha's arm as if to tear her grip away from mine. A deep growl escaped from deep in my throat, I was not going to allow another demantri take away my only bargaining chip. If there was anything that I could do, I could do it now, and I was not going to allow another man take that away from me.

"Oh boys, stop with the over protective nature." She stated firmly, a more aggressive tone laced in her words, "I will decide what happens to these rebels—"

"But my lady," the man stated, as his hand fell down placing them together in front of him. He had started to grind his teeth together in protest, "I cannot allow this. I provided the information, rounded up the meat, I deserve to be part of the planning."

Quickly, my gaze was still fixed on the boy, Amarantha let go of my hand and the sound of skin contact rang through my ears. A red faced, white hair male stared back at us eyes laced with rage, "I decide. Not you. You allowed a rebellion to even start, yes you rounded them up, sure. But you still allowed some form of protest to occur. I will let you know when I need your services again. Until then, I don't want to see you. Go set up the rest of my camp, I want my tent set up first."

Without another word, the man bowed his head slowly, and hesitantly, "Yes my lady." He slowly scuffled away, returning to the minions that walked behind us, hissing words of whore near me as he stalked away.

Directing my attention back to the auburn hair, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to me. Her hips flush with my own, the smell of iron filling my nostrils... how much killing does one have to do in order to smell like the stench of blood? In all my years, even the strongest, bravest Illyrians had yet reeked of death, the always had the shadow of lady death dancing in their eyes, but never tainted by her curse to smell of it. Ignoring my gut to push this vile woman away from me, I leaned down and purred into her ear, "And what is the plan?"

I felt a smile, her cheek pressing against my own as her hand reached up and began to tap onto my chest, "Killing Kallias of course... He has to be behind this."

My heart stopped, as if free falling a thousand feet. I could not allow her to see a moment of weakness. But I had to save him, he would not and could not be punished for the freedom his people yearned for. My people, if put in the same situation would be doing the same damned thing. There is not a doubt in my mind that my grand city would be destroyed in order to defend its people. Cassian already destroyed a building in another court, though he may have some reservations about destroying his own, he would do it in order to save what he loved and cared for. They were trapped, caged... these people saw freedom every day, it wasn't blocked by a wall of shadows. Kallias telling his own people not to go after it was a fool's dream. Something that not even a high lord could stop.

After a second of hesitation, I found a place to rest my hand on her lower back as I pulled away from her ear, staring into her light colored eyes. "Now, my lady, what use would that be to you?"

A sinister smile crossed her lips, this game that she was playing, without slipping into her mind, I could not predict her actions, I had to rely on my wit and cunningness to get me through this one. "I will leave this court without a leader, and without a single heir to his name, his family will lose their power, allowing me to mend a new one. That is, of course, after I figure out who received the power."

I rose my eyebrow, despite the creeping malice, I had to seem a bit interested in what she was saying. Did Kallius have a mate? If he did, accepted or not, that would be who received the power. Not an individual that would just lay down their life in service for Amarantha. The cauldron works in mysterious ways, trying to predict it, hell would drive me even more insane that I had already become. I could not allow anyone, thrown into a position of power such as that, go through the same torture, pain and suffering that I had succumb to.

As I tilted my head to the side I responded back, "To what extent, my lady? Kallias is already under the mountain, listening to your words, partaking in your parties, if he dared talk to anyone outside the mountain, I'm afraid he would have already been caught."

Pondering my words, she stared into my eyes. Worry gnawed at my gut, despite my confident demeanor, I could not predict what she was thinking. I could feel the eyes of the red faced, blue eyed demon digging into the back of my skull, meaning if even for a second I attempted to reach my talons into her mind... he was already looking for a weakness in the dark. Planning, calculating figuring out some way to find it. Childish as this may be, I would not allow myself to be invaded by another like me. It has been years since I had locked someone in my mind, without practice, I'm afraid my mind would be destroyed with his attempt to escape.

"True..." she responded quietly, "That means I must come up with something else. Do you have any suggestions, my whore?"

Such an open, broad question. The howling wind filtered through the brief pause as I pondered for a second. I shook my head, as if to take way anymore thoughts of killing, but the bile taste in the back of my throat was my only warning that even my body was telling me not to believe in something so trivial. I was comparable to a human fool to even believe that somewhere inside of this woman, there was a compromising leader.

"If what your spy says is correct," I started, as I motioned to place my fingertips under her chin to bring her deadly gaze to my eyes, "Majority of the rebellion has been taken care of. The threat is no longer conceivable at this point, to my knowledge, not a single attack has been brought to our attention since our presence here. And if that village is the primary concern, they would have attacked to defend it, if any strategic value was left."

Military strategy. One would not use their own headquarters as a bait type of situation, even Illyrians would defend it to the last man. But if the only ones left were the injured and the few left standing, there was no point and surrendering was their only way to avoid any more bloodshed. A village, especially with women and children, would never be used as a last stand. There would be a distraction, something in order to allow those who are unable to fight to escape, despite knowing that one signed their own death warrant.

"No." Her words, firm stable and unforgiving. My gut fell, bringing physical pain to my body. Scoffing when she saw my face, "Fine, you win." She moved away from me, allowing the cold air steal the last bit of warmth I had in my body, as she motioned for the winter court spy to return to our conversation. Cruel, disgusting, a darkness hung in the air but not one of my own. No, this darkness was corrupted. A forced darkness that did not belong to this world, one that even the court of nightmares would dispose of if they had ever encountered it.

However, the gnawing dread feeling, it didn't feel like I had won. My soul was being stripped away from the cold, leaving whatever sanity I have left being dragged through the ice and snow.

The crunching in the snow stopped as the white hair man stood in front of us, bowing his head towards Amarantha, "Yes, my lady?" He smoothly said.

Responding quickly back, with a demonic smile flashing her pearl white teeth, "I have been convinced to spare Kallias, since he's been under the mountain for so long, he could not have planned such an act." She paused for a moment, turning her back to both of us she faced towards where the- would be- village was located, her eyes scanning the swirling gray of smoke. "How big is the village?"

That question, as broad as the one she asked me, I shifted a bit it felt as if my entire body wanted to shift out of my skin. Thankfully no one noticed the small storm that was brewing in my mind, in my body, causing the extreme form of discomfort that I was now battling.

"It's a village, mostly constant of women and children. Majority of the men that conducted the acts were taken care of." The man responded, a bit distant.

Looking over her shoulder, with eyes that made my blood drain from my face, "Excellent. I want two dozen."

"Excuse me?" I responding, the air whooshing out of me. I could hardly stand still, my cloths feeling tight against my neck, taking my breath out of me. That response, out of character, out of what I was expected to be with the mask of terror I wore on my face. Not visible, I need to stop. Whatever reaction of compromise I want to have now... She spared Kallias. This was the reaction to it. The terrible, unbearable reaction that I cannot face...not now.

"I want two dozen younglings. To prove a point... Since you do not want me to take away their ruler, my whore, I will take away their future. Do what you must, my dear spy, to get my men ready dig into their minds to take away any doubt they have about my order. The fun will begin as soon as you all are ready. Make sure I have a place to sit, with my whore by my side. We'll use your power as his, so the fear is placed on the Night Court." She mused, pausing for a moment likely for effect as she added on, "Also, send out a messenger to every court of the death of these younglings. I want fear, I want control. Do you understand?"

I was frozen in place. This was not happening, this could not happen. Two dozen?! My words were lost, my anger and fear curled within me. The tang of magic shoved itself into my nostrils as the fellow deamentri bowed his head and walked towards the men. All I could do was throw my hands into fists shoving them into my pockets. Blood was drawn by my finger nails, but the panic still occupied my veins. Nothing short of death would stop this newfound terror.

I motioned my mouth to speak, but a soft finger pushed on my lips. Strong, firm, cold as death but the lacking familiar beat of a heart beat did not meet my lips. I released a breath, hesitant and exaggerated, and shifted my vision away from the red hair vixen for a moment.

Violet eyes stared back at me, "Everything that will happen... it isn't your fault..." The black haired beauty mused, pressing her finger on my lips harder keeping me from responding to her or even Amarantha. "I've told you this, but you're still not listening. It will be okay." She stepped forward, raising herself up slightly on the tips of her toes as she pressed a soft peck onto my check, "You're not dead yet, brother. Remember what father always said, it's harder for the ones we leave behind. They're expected to react, don't let your reaction happen without an audience..." She winked at me as her form started to be carried away with the wind, "Remember, it isn't your fault, brother."

My mind, though I knew I could not stray, gave me something. A breath, a moment of hope to return my sanity back to my bones. It didn't relieve the aching in my gut, nor did it fix the bleeding in my palms. But it was enough to direct me back to the mask of the court of nightmares, the demon, the slayer, the unforgiving man that I had become. My sister, though just a figment of my imagination, if she was still alive, in my position, she would have killed the red hair woman already. Without a moment of hesitation, even with the lack of the majority of her abilities, she feared not of the outcome but her intended goal. She would die to prove a point, so what does that make me right now? A man that is struggling to maintain his sanity and the safety of his home, and grasping onto hope from a mortal. How low do I have to go to hit rock bottom, so I can finally find my way to climb back out.

I had lost track of time, between the howling winds, screaming villagers, and the icy cold. The next steps of what was to come blurred together into a mess. Amarantha's laughing, propping herself in her make shift throne the same position she always places herself in during her 'little parties'. The faces of the crowd staring in disbelief, crying out for those already taken away. Her men pushing away those trying to gather younglings, while others chuckled at mothers and other family members sobbing on the ground. I could not falter, I could not relate to their pain. Not now. I was already in too deep, this will be my curse, my burden to carry.

Then there they were, the men turned mindless, fearless, and emotionless killers, controlled by the icy blue eyes of the male demantri. The darkness swelled around my bones, but yet did not show itself onto the white snow. Not a sound passed through my ears, the fear struck faces dug into my core, undimmed by a cloud or the shadow of night. There was nothing I could do but stand here.

Watching.

Waiting.

That's when it happening.

The screeching, the crying, the painful screams. My nightmares had been brought to life, everything that I had fought to protect. Broken, shattered and destroyed. I'm sure I will remember this day differently. With my already reoccurring nightmares, this day, this moment of red on white will plague me for my life.

This is my fault.

I will remember this day. It will not pass.

If I could have only pried into their minds, if only my powers were weakened at this very moment. I used too much on Calamani, though months ago. I used too much contacting my family for the added safety of my sanity. Just to have a glimpse of what I was fighting for.

This could have been different. Should have been different.

"Good job." Words laced with violence, and the promise of an accomplished goal caressed my ear. Why was this woman thanking me? I didn't do a single thing, I'm powerless. I watched, as the terror fled through their young bodies. I stood by trying to break the minds of soldiers, only to be faced with utter nothingness. I couldn't do anything for them.

I couldn't give them peace, though I had wished I did.

I couldn't give them a quick passing, though –by the cauldron- I tried.

I will never forget this day. Nor will I allow myself to forget this day.

I'm about to lose it all. There's no more trying. There's no more what-ifs.

I felt my throat closing up once more, no longer wanted to scream. My eyes dry, despite wanting to shed tears for every single child lost. Nails dug into my palms, drawing blood forcing pain to vibrate through my forearms.

The shade of night will rise again, the sunken star will still appear over the mountains of home... I will never forget this day nor shall I allow others forget.

I will kill her. No parent nor child, fae or mortal alike, should ever see the scene of red and white.


	15. Chapter 7.0

Chapter 7.0

Not my fault. How is this –NOT—my fault?

I stood there. Just staring, wearing the mask of a stone cold killer. Standing beside the self-appointed queen, doing absolutely nothing. I allowed the breeze to take any form of happiness and hope out of my soul and replaced it with bitter detest and suffering. I allowed the icy blue eyed man take away any choice of free will, and I allowed twenty four younglings lose their lives in order to save one man.

One man.

The life of one man. Was it worth it? Was anything I did now actually worth it? It's all going to have the same outcome. No matter what I do, say, or even trick people into believing, nothing has changed and every action that I have conducted has always come with something worse. Something that will never be forgiven.

I'm going to kill her. My last stand, it can't be now... it will have to be when I know there is no longer an option. When there is no longer any hope of this small curse to be lifted. Whether when written in history if it was an act of madness, revenge or even avenge that is for the historical writers to decide. It is also for them to decide if I would considered the hero guided by darkness, or the villain that was so corrupted that ran from the light.

It been hours since the bitter cold had caressed my bones, but the aching sorrow is still prevalent and true. By now the messengers were sent out, and my expected follow up to the beast was going to occur a lot faster than I am ready for.

I will never be ready for this.

We left the Winter Court in shambles. Crying out for a future, for their young, that were now gone... smiling at them despite their mourning. Unforgiveable. How many more will the court lose before the darkness corrupts them? When the fear, self-loathing, and utter shame replaces their will to fight, that's when. None of us will be the same. It always falls on the ones left behind.

Dying is easy. The hard part is still pushing on, continuing. This same song and dance I've recited to myself for years... How much longer am I prepared to combat it?

Velaris is safe. Unknown. This is all worth it. I have to continue to try.

"You know, you pacing back and forth, I'm afraid you have made a clean streak in your room, High Lord." A voice of a wraith rang through my ears. Cerridween, how long has she been observing me in silence without speaking a word? How much has she seen as I have been tearing myself apart in guilt and self-pity?

I glanced over at her, pondering for a second to respond back. The only physical response I could provide was the pacing to stop in my small darkened room. A single candle was lit to provide some form of light, however majority of the room remained in the shadows, allowing Cerridween to maintain her distance and her secluded safety.

"There's no one in the hallway, they're all attending Amarantha's meeting. Our dear High Lord was given some time to collect himself before taking himself to the Spring Court... Which," Nuala's voice rang out behind me, shutting the door lightly behind her, "You should be getting ready for..." a muted tone, as if not to inflict anymore pain into my bones.

"I'm afraid, he is not ready yet..."her twin replied back, as she scooted over on the small vanity, allowing Nuala to sit next to her on the frame. Two pairs of black eyes stared at me, not full of judgement or pity, but full of warmth and understanding. They were not going to push me out of the safety of my room, but they were here. Listening, watching... waiting for my breakdown to occur.

I had failed them. I had failed Velaris. I had failed my family. Most of all I had failed the Winter Court. To save a man, that wouldn't even realize what I had done for him. I wanted to tell him, by the cauldron, my whole body needed to tell him. But I could not.

I had to play the part. The prince of darkness, the man who kills out of spite and boredom and baths in the blood of his enemies. The man who smiles as shadows corrupt the light, allowing any resemblance of doubt be heightened and turned into terror. The man despite not looking the part that will never bow down and give up his home, nor his people. Clearly, the man I am not. Physically, I'm weak, without proper training I'm likely no longer able to fly a distance to clear my mind. And psychologically, hell I'm clinically insane, with hallucinations and all. I'm no longer fit to be a High Lord.

"Rhys..." a soft voice pushed into my train of thoughts. But that didn't help my now fast racing heart beat nor did I feel any kind of control at this time. It was all merely an illusion. I just needed out of this place and I needed out now, but there was no escape, nowhere to run. I was just here. Not knowing if that voice belonged to someone who was actually here, or hell if my hands would become a weapon against the two wraiths that had dedicated their life-at the moment-to make sure I didn't lose myself. I never asked them for this, nor did I feel the need. They put it on themselves for some reason.

Despite the fact that my pacing had stopped, we remained silent for a minute. The calm eerie shade of a fake night surrounded us. Without acknowledging the voice, I went out to my own fireplace and started to move around the sticks and disrupt the black carbon. Anything to keep my hands from shaking any more than they already were. I had failed them. Those younglings. Those who had yet witness the full extent of evil, but forced to face it alone, scared and without their parents guiding them to the light of their afterlife.

This busy work with my hands, was all I had at the moment. It wasn't much, but it was something in my control. It was my own form of breaking down. A high lord on his knees, in front of a fire place... how low have I become? I was placing myself deeper into my sorrows, doing anything to jolt me back, to feel alive. To feel something than this never ending anxiety, pain and misery I am now faced with every day. All I can do, is smile and act as if everything is okay. Despite my body and mind having completely other reactions to prove those words true. Sleep will not come to me tonight, which is a luxury I cannot afford at this time.

One stick, one piece of wood, move it out of the collected ash and place it to the side. No more than five pieces collected now, I know I have not burned that much logs lately, they had to be buried in this mess of ash of carbon... I just had to find them. I firm, yet gentle grip caressed my right wrist stopping my repetitive and tedious movement. A cold, small hand was found there.

"High Lord," the same soft voice, the one that paused my movement before. Kneeling beside me, Cerridween. Not a figment of my imagination, not my dead sister laughing at my demise nor the painter that I had latched onto for hope, someone real. Someone who was there, someone who had seen me clearly at my worse, beside me watching for me to break but yet willing to lift my back up when the time was necessary.

I knew she felt my elevated heartrate, but showed no signs of acknowledging it. Staring into her black eyes, she gave a half smile as her other hand lifted up surrounding us by her shadows that concealed the light, the ones the hide us from sight. I heard the rushing water from the sink, but could not tear my eyes away from the half wraith's face that sat in front of me.

Her face was that of one of understanding, yet yearning, as if she was watching for me to speak first. She was giving me this moment, even though small, knowing if anyone was to walk in they would only see Nuala who was cleaning a spot in the room in the far corner now waiting to make up some form of excuse for my absence.

I let out an exaggerated sigh, and fell onto my ass completely abandoning my attempt to clean the fire place. What more do these ladies expect from me? I have to act in the presence of those who live under the mountain, I have to act towards my own family that I am okay, I have to act that these actions of murder do not nag on my very own psyche.

"I'm sorry..." I murmured under my breath, "Just give me a minute, I'll be okay. I'll go to the beast with a smile on my face, and tell him that his time is up. That he is leaving us all to rot away in his stead. That all of us are suffering, as he gets to enjoy the sunlight and greens of his lands. That, even though given years, has still failed us all." I took a moment to contemplate my next words, then continued on, "I will kill her. I will give Nuala and you enough time to get out. To go home where you guys belong. Lower the shields just enough for Armen to break through, to let you guys back in and hopefully not escape herself. You two will be safe, I swear it. As soon as you guys are through-"

"Shhh." Cerridween hushed, stopping my words as she placed a finger on my lips to stop my speaking quickly removing it as soon as she placed it. "I didn't ask for any of that."

"Then, what do you want?!" I asked, my voice was higher and more aggressive than I had intended it to be.

She smiled as she let go of my wrist, and leaned back on her heels allowing her to get into a more relaxed position as she turned her attention to the whisking shadows that danced around us. Watching as the room was distorted in hues of blues and grays. "Do you remember Starfall? No the ones we all were forced here," She started as she started to move her shadows more around us, darkening our vision even more, "But the best one I remember with your family, was when you sister was still around. Cassian still trying to find his words with the ladies, Azriel still quiet as ever and collecting information when he was supposed to be enjoying himself?"

I listened to her and just nodded my head allowing her to continue.

"It wasn't just you who lost their family, Rhys. Despite all your guys' attention to detail, strength and cunningness, life still happened. And it made all of you then men you are today. They lost a sister that day, they lost a mother, and dare I say it a father a too." She paused as she turned her attention back to me, tilting her head to the side, "Remember what your sister always said? Even if she was not there, her spirit will always be if you just turn to the stars... oh what was that constellation called?"

I knew what she was doing, she was trying to distract me. Trying to garner my attention elsewhere. Anything to make me believe that this will all be worth it. To gather enough strength, courage to persevere because I'm not the only one that is stuck in this mess. Night Court was not the only one that was plagued, not the only one that had to face hardships... we were the only ones going to get the blame and she knew it. Armartha's now court was supposed to be modeled after the Court of Nightmares, but she forgot to address the Court of Dreams. Those, who despite the overwhelming darkness, would still find a way to bend and pull to become happy. To look upon the stars and find some resemblance of hope.

"Romy..." I stated, quietly and quickly.

Cerridween let out a laugh, uncontrolled for a second before she scoffed and hit the side of my rib cage lightly, "No you daft fool, that's what she used to call it as a child. She was a young lady that had actually learned how to say the name."

"Andromeda... the one named after the mortal galaxy." I stated as I leaned back onto my hands and corrupted her shadows a little more. Allowing speak of dirt and dust form light in the shadows to create an image of the stars we all have been loathing to see. I will the darkness to form into the constellations I wanted to see. First the great square of Pegasus, following behind it the distant view of a would be galaxy, then followed by Andromeda's chains then the constellation that would resemble Andromeda herself. A name that meant, 'to think like a man.' The constellation she was named after. Well at least her middle name. She always choose to be addressed by Romy or Mia... or simply just sister.

"The woman, whose beauty, had her tied to a rock and put into an impossible situation. Found light in a man that turned her would be husband into stone. Though she did not need saving, allowed others to do her work for her as she took the credit for it. Tricking people into believing she needed the help, accepting the help without any questions, and always a knife ready at a person's back in case it was needed." She paused for a moment as she glanced up at our makeshift starry night, "She wouldn't want you pondering, and thinking of the what ifs, and beating yourself down because something didn't go according to you grand scheme or plan."

We both sat in silence, staring up at stars enjoying our moment, though short lived. It is something. That distracted me long enough to regather myself, to calm down, to finally see a little clearer. "She was a shady little demon child, wasn't she?" I chuckled under my breath.

Cerridween nodded slightly, "She was, and as a daematri just like you she placed parts of herself in all our minds. Whether on purpose, or on accident when she was developing her powers, her hold and influence is still true. You were always smart, independent, and your judgement is seldom swayed through your feelings. But after her passing, especially during the dark times you have become more cunning, more willing to allow others take the fall for what you consider the greater good. A gray area, but something that you never willing learned. Not even from Azriel or us girls, no it has become a part of your personality. Like an inner turmoil that you no longer fight but just accept. And why neither one of us ever questioned you while you sit in silence, nor have an argument by yourself. Not a bad thing, High Lord, it's just nice to see there's something left."

"All this from a single constellation?" I mussed, lifting my eyebrow and staring at her with a side glance.

She let out a small chuckle, as she ran her small fingers through her dark hair, "It's the nicest way of saying you're not crazy, Rhys. Armen said it was possible, and until now I didn't believe her words."

Opening my mouth to respond, a splash of water on my face made me lose my train of thought. The second set of black eyes stared back at me, however this set had a hint of humor laced behind them.

"How you get so much soot and carbon on your face while working a short amount of time, I will never know High Lord. No wonder you're never trusted to clean up after yourself." Nuala mused as the warm washcloth in her hand lightly pressed against my face.

Their distraction was enough. It was always enough. They never flat out told me I was wrong, to not feel a way I did. They always just mused and embraced me out of my darkness. Showing me, as I had shown them years ago, that not all darkness was evil and tormented. They were members of the Court of Dreams, though meant to do bad things, spread lies and misery of their own, would always resort back to the darkness that provides comfort and loving. The darkness that I, if not guided, would have forgotten about years ago. I would have already been lost, tangled up with pale legs of a red headed demon and killing without any remorse.

They wanted me to hold onto the guilt, but accept the world of gray. That everything we do here is not only for us. It's for the Night Court, it's for Velaris... Furthermore, it's for every court that has fallen into misery, even if that makes my court the enemy in the eyes of others.

"It isn't your fault, you know..." Nuala began, motioning her attention to my hands as she started to scrub away, "...You had no idea what she was going to do, you made a choice and we all have to live with it. You made the right one, Rhys." She stopped for a moment as she looked at her sister.

Cerridween nodded, "We respect you for it. Everything you did, and didn't do. But now we need you more than ever...Don't fuck it up. Don't lose yourself too much. That ray of hope, you will see her tomorrow... if you forget everything else, don't forget what you're fighting for."

They noticed the pull, if nothing else infatuation. I had no other words to describe it, to acknowledge it other than it was just there. I couldn't describe it, the dreams, the visions, and the unnecessary pull to a mortal. She was not even a half breed. Just a painter, a hunter that was thrown into a world that wasn't her own.

"If you must, find a way to let her go. She does not need to be part of this... Despite the deal that Armarantha has made for a false hope of freedom... This is our fight, not hers. Don't let your coconscious play games on you... find a replacement for her. One that you can save, that your own feelings won't get in the way of how to play the game." Cerridween stated, firmly as her sister finished cleaning my hands.

"When you wake up in the morning, you will have a lot have your abilities back. Embrace them. Make her scared, make her lie... but don't take away your light." Nuala mussed as she finished, wiping the rest of my hand clean.

The girls then stood to their feet, Cerridween taking away the safety of darkness that engulfed us and the half wraiths pulled me up my forearms making me stand on my own two feet once again. Despite Nuala's cleaning, dirt and soot still plastered my legs but without pressuring her to clean anymore I motioned my hand to do the last little bit of cleaning.

The two, quickly and quietly started to head for the door, to allow the uncontrollable exhaustion overtake what was left of me. "You will do great, High Lord." Cerridween stated as she allowed Naula to exit the room first, allowing her to make eye contact one last time.

"Thank you..." I said, almost muted. But in the silence of the dark room, I knew she had heard my voice just fine.

She bowed her head, returning her gaze with a sinister, dare I say almost feline to match my own, "We're here for you, High Lord. You'll do the right thing."

I scoffed, "You two are trying to make me more like you, aren't you?

She paused for a moment, her fingers lightly tapping on the frame. "No, Rhys..." she looked at me, her black eyes ripping through my very soul whatever I had left of course, "We're just helping you wake up, and here to keep reminding you that everything will be okay. It will be all worth it."

I shook my head, my hand running through my own dark locks in agitation, "I don't see how, Cerridween. None of this makes sense."

She bowed her head one last time, "It doesn't have to make sense; the cauldron surprises us all in ways we will never expect it to. And honestly, the little painter of yours is the missing link... though I'm not sure how she connects to all of this yet." She let out a sigh and chuckled, "I'm sure you'll figure it out, get some sleep High Lord... You're going to need it."

And that was all she said. Her form was engulfed with shadows and the door silently shut. Leaving me by myself, with the warmth of my own darkness comforting me. There was no longer a need to fight it. I found my place on top of the large, musky smelling bed and let the night take me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go... Set up for wonderful spring court next chapter. His story, I swear is not all dark, depressing and full of angst I'm trying to blend happiness somewhere into it... But it's a lot harder than I had initially planned. To be honest I may do another random one shot to get some happy writing happening... But this first book... Gosh it's full of so much unhappiness, guilt and self loathing it proving difficult to give him a ray of hope anywhere while dealing with traits of trauma, PTSD and personal loathing of his actions and inactions....
> 
> Let me know how I'm doing and as always everyone have a wonderful day!!


	16. Chapter 7.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you can tell I'm still getting into the swing of things between work, school and –well- life in general. I recently got out of the military, active duty army, and now I'm in the reserves which isn't a big deal, but me being in a medical facility I'm always busy, it seems. I'm also going to school to be a physical therapist and a PTSD counselor, which takes up a portion of my time too. And finally I have two big dogs (a Mastiff/Pitbull mix and a German Shepherd/Belgium Malinois mix) and video games that call out to me. So that is my excuse this time, I will try to work on this story the best I can because well I love writing it. But now onwards to the start of the Spring Court interaction... This is where Feyre's and Rhysand's stories and lives start to clash and I'm kind of excited to write it. I swear, I'll get into the mix of things where you're not waiting 2/3 weeks for something. As always, love the feedback and the likes :D. Just remain patient and understanding with me, and I will try my best for you :D

Chapter 7.5

 

By the time I woke, I was blessed with much of my gifts from the night. Whatever Amarantha was not doing, or wanted to do, a large chunk of my abilities were returned to me after a short – too short-of a night of a few hours of sleep. Whatever she wanted me to do, to say, to accomplish would be with a fraction of my abilities. Most of which I have been lacking and yearning for, for almost half a century since they were taken away from, blossomed in a rush that was far more welcoming than it should have been. Today the cauldron blessed me, and now I'm just waiting to see the terror that it expects me to do.

Sure I had my shadows, not like Azriel's that whispered secrets into my ears, but the ones that caressed and dragged the darkness with them. I had my strength, not like what I had with Cassian due to the lack of training, but I had enough to throw untrained men around. I had my cunning, but lacked the caress that Armen put on it with her own sass. And the ability to detect lies, hell I always lacked that, that was defiantly Mor's expertise. The magic that kissed my bones, laced my soul, it had missed me as much as I had. Whether that is a good or a bad thing, that is yet to be determined. Hopefully I can manipulate these powers as I once had to do as I wish... and to not allow the darkness to respond with hatred.

Sure it was still there, my ancient magic, at least a flickering of it, but always subdued and hidden. I know that I am not at my full strength. Nowhere near. But this is one step towards my end goal. I will need to garner more trust, more faith, just to get even closer to Armarantha than I am now. Just a little while longer. This all will be worth it. It has to be.

Allowing my body to relax a few more moment, I stretched my body out on the lumpy bed. Summer solstice, though not directly connected to the night court, it was a day of balance. This magic, these abilities were not a gift from the witch, no, but a gift from the cauldron. In some weird, undetermined way, it was attempting to return balance the best it could. I sighed out, dawn crept inside me, though without the sunlight streaming through nonexistent morning, I just knew it was time to start the day... no matter how horrible it will be become.

In silence, I collected my small form of motivation, and performed my morning routine. The girls, after their parting had not blessed me with their presence.

Odd. A nagging presence tugged at my gut. One, that even if I wanted to, I could not ignore. Though I prayed I could just spend the entire day just basking in my own mind, staying in bed and not expected to do much of anything.

In the silence and solitude of my own thoughts, they were interrupted by a tapping at my door. One conducted not by the girls, but by long claws. Tapping that transformed into a more scratching, digging sound the more I had ignored it. The Attor. The beast, no, the want to be member of the court of nightmares, was impatient. And was trying to garner my attention this early in the morning, after the atrocities in the winter court had occurred, he likely wanted a report. My opinion on the entire situation. Which I was in no mood, nor condition to give it.

Taking some additional time to finish lacing up my boots, adjusting the bottom of tunic, I just couldn't waste any more time, though it wasn't for lack of trying. I could be a completely inconsiderate and decide what I have put on was not apporiate and change once more but this conversation with her carnie had to be done, before even the thought about leaving to the spring court could occur.

"Come in..." I muttered under my breath. Get this done, get this over with then I can complete whatever job I was expected to do today, and return to the safety of my room. To the seclusion, to the memories of a distant past, to the safety that I have formed even if it is only a small silver of hope.

"You're expected at the spring court..." hissed the Attor as he sulked his way into my room, staying near the door likely making sure he has some form of exit strategy. Coward. Her damned messenger, since she did not even make time in the morning to deliver it herself.

"To do what?" I mused as I leaned against my vanity staring at the creature, each movement, involuntarily or not gave away his weak spots. Two stab wounds would be all it would take him down, a few more to make sure the creature was dead. By the cauldron I am becoming my father, the longer I am stuck in the darkness the more insane I become, and the more blood thirsty my bones cry for freedom.

"You are a captive, high lord, your legion and yourself, though the legion is gone, you are left to do whatever our lady order us to do. Without question." His voice low and disoriented but still held his ground. Admirable. He has yet to feel the increase in my power, this could be an advantage. One I would not wish to waste.

"Always a pleasure to have a conversation with you. Always so stimulating and productive," I clicked my tongue as I picked a piece of imaginary dirt of my shoulder. "And pray tell, what does our wonderful lady have in mind for me to do, today? Hmm?"

The Attor bared his teeth, "You will go to the spring court and see how things are going and offer Tamlin-"

"The beast, you mean." I interrupted as I proceeded to roll my eyes, "Yes, yes. I'll go see how they're faring and welcome Tamlin into Amarantha's arms with an open heart... now I doubt his stone heart can even provide that kind of love. Anything else?"

"Report back to Amarantha as soon as you return, High Lord." He stated harsher than his words before. He then progressed to turn on his heels and leave the room, leaving me in the shadows and silence that I experienced moments before. Due to his position, he thinks he has some sort of influence, and pull over me... sadly the day he realizes he is wrong will be the day his entire life flashes before his eyes before plummeting to his death. And I would gladly provide that, if only I'm given the opportunity.

I kicked off the vanity, turned around and was met staring at my own reflection. The mirror, though I know the girls had kept up on the sweeping and dusting, had a thin layer of dust, which kept the shining reflection dimmed slightly. The man that stood before me, was not the man I had come to recognize myself as, the man I never wished to be.

My hands gripped the edge of the vanity, as my deep purple eyes adjusted to the lack of light. Slight dark circles ringed my eyes, a contrast to my olive skin, making my dark hair contrast even more so. I looked like the prince of darkness, who could not even fight his own demons to sleep. If I was going to address the beast, I would have to rectify this. Without much grace, I let out an exaggerated sigh. The longer I looked at the man that stared back at me the harder it was to look away. I, though, wanting and willing to smile again, I also wanted to feel alive. But instead, I gave my body, my soul, my life to a cause of freedom that I am so unsure of now.

Break the curse, break his will, or kill everyone who stands in the way. Whatever happens first, I will be the bad guy. I will be the start of everything if I have to be. Amarantha made sure of it. The night court, in all its glory, will be to blame. Velaris will be safe... that's' all that matters. Now to fix this reflection that stares back at me. I cannot go to the spring court a broken, disheartened man. I would have to arrive with the mask of sinister intend. A man who stood tall in the darkness that corrupts, not the man I wanted to be, but needed to be. The evil incarnate prince of darkness. Tendrils of darkness trembled off of me, lining my dark pants and parting away from my boots. The ebony tunic, stitched in gold and silver, was enough for show as it was for comfort. I dressed the part, I just had to hide my face of fear, sleeplessness and self-pity. A much harder task than I had anticipated, but had to be done. Without much else to do, I relaxed my neck closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. This was the best I was going to look, the best I was going to get. Whatever the outcome was, I would have to deal with it.

Shadows engulfed my body, my soul as the started to pull me out from underneath the mountain. I damn well knew was not going to fly to the spring court, I would most likely fall to my death. Due to my wings, core and even back muscles not having enough strength to maintain flight. But the cold breeze seeping through the shroud of darkness compared to the swirling mountain winds I would feel around my wings... it was freedom. Freedom viewed through a veil compared to basking and tasting it. The darkness is my safe haven, but yet my barrier all the same. I will get there. Until then... winnowing was my option.

Quickly replacing the darkness, the bright light of a mid-morning sun blinded my vision momentarily. When adjusted, I glanced upon roses and ivy. Greens and browns of the forest, the reds yellows and whites of the roses, and the ivy plastered against the spring court wall. The clash of so many colors, after becoming so adjusted to the stale, bland colors of under the mountain, it was refreshing and different. A welcoming sight, however still made my stomach tank. I could not be bothered with these feelings. No regret, second guessing... nothing but the bitter distain and vile creature I must become could be present.

"What are you doing here, big brother?" Mused a voice into my ear, before the shadows pushed her form to my side, looking up at the giant estate as well. She glanced over sideways to me, her violet eyes staring me down. Waiting for an answer.

I smiled, "The question is, sister, what are you doing here?" I purred back, still just standing there looking at the building. It wasn't moving anywhere. No matter how bad I wanted it to just disappear, my shadows guided me through his barriers without even breaking a sweat, his staff already clearing the area allowing the silence to be carried by the wind. I had to give them enough time to leave. No one had to die by my hand today. I'm not sure I can witness or even partake in anymore killing for at least twenty four hours. I needed a break. I just needed it to stop, for at least a day. But yet here I stand in the court of the man that was supposed to be saving us. The irony in that statement alone. He was supposed to be doing something, other than hiding behind his giant walls and hoping for the blight to magically go away... If only it was that easy.

"Easy, I don't exist... your turn." A chipper voice interrupted my thoughts, happy and calmness laced in her words. Her dark hair twirling, blending in with my shadows around me. Gosh if she was still alive, this would be something that would happen, no matter what I've done, what I've said, what actions I had to take in order to keep those we love safe... she would have helped me. But yet I failed her, and I'm on the verge of failing more than just her. I'm about to fail my family, my people..

"I'm here to collect a debt, convince our high lord—" I stopped for a moment as her eyes started squinting in my direction and a quiet giggle pressed through her lips. She was making fun of me, for something I hadn't done, "What?" I asked calmly, peering back over.

She just shrugged her shoulders and walked a few steps ahead of me, "You're a mess..." she stated as she all too gracefully turned around and winked at me. "You'll do fine, remember, you're the bad guy." She crooned, "And bad guys do things with a big ole smile on their face. Hell, you might have fun. Act like it's a vengeance kind of thing..."

That's when shadows started pushing towards the stairs of the estate, engulfing her form and allowing her to fade into the darkness. Ancient powers showing and guiding me into the estate, informing me that the staff that I allowed to see me stand in front of the estate for a few moments were given enough time to escape. That was good enough for me. Leaving only Tamlin and Lucien, hopefully.

Walking down the hall, silent and empty. Contrary to what I saw when I looked through the painter's eyes. Where is she? Did she get out? Please, the beast cannot be that selfish to keep her here. He knows it's not safe, especially for a mortal. She would be helpless, and useless against magic. Unless, of course, she had help and direction, then her hunting skills and the will to live would guide her through any issues... hopefully.

Walking slowly down the hall, approaching the dining hall I entered the room seeing Lucien staring out the window-oddly I may add-, and Tamlin cleaning his nails at the table. Rude, dismissive. Neither man wanted me here, nor did I want to be honest. There was a small pressure of magic tangling in with my shadows, however I was unable to place it. It was a lot of displacement, but enough magic that caressed by shadows begging me to pay attention to it, but that wasn't the reason I was here. However this magic, wasn't Tamlin's magic, the magic that belonged to the beast, no, it was offset away from him. Something that I didn't have the time, nor energy to worry about right now.

"High Lord," I sang at him, bowing my head in mockery. He did not deserve a full bow, hell he didn't even deserve a head nod, the only reason it was preformed was because of his position of where he sat. High Lords respect each other, despite one lacking backbone and inaction.

"What do you want, Rhysand?" stubborn, straight to the point. The blonde haired man did not even move out of his seat, or stop cleaning his nails. The silence after his question was just the sound of dirt, being pushed by a single blade, and Lucien's heavy breathing. Again the nagging feeling, tanged at my gut, what was I doing? Instead of butting heads, instead of telling him to come to Armartha just to free us, I would have to dance around with the devil a little longer, and be the villain I am meant to play.

I smiled, chuckling under my breath, "Rhysand? Come now, Tamlin." I situated myself more comfortably in front of him, standing tall, "I don't see you for forty-nine years, and you start calling Rhysand?" I placed my hand on my chest, acting as if I was in awe just further progressing my act, "Only my prisoners and my enemies call me that." I grinned, as I then let it fall. I stared down Tamlin, he didn't even move or flinch at my words. There was no more playing nice, if he wasn't even interested in entertaining my ideas, my dialogue. I was trying to pull some information, some inkling of a plan, but he was just trying to make me disappear out of his estate and let him return to his poorly thrown together meal. My eyes tore away from Tamlin for a moment, as I looked at Lucien, "A fox mask. Appropriate for you." I stated, looking him up and down, trying to figure out the misplacement of magic that was occurring in his general area. The shadows were parting around him, giving him a slightly larger area than his own magic should be able to fill.

"Go to Hell, Rhys." Lucien snapped. Quickly, his breath full of fear. What was he hiding? What was I missing? It had to do something with the magic displacement. I knew it, I just did not have a reason to engage in the energy it would take to pull the disturbance into view.

"Always a pleasure dealing with the rabble," I stated, directing my attention back to Tamlin, "I hope I wasn't interrupting."

"We were in the middle of lunch," He stated almost immediately. His voice empty of emotion, no anger, no fear, just a simple statement. Give me a reaction, something I can build off of, that is all I'm asking for. I'm not going to willing throw away my life, to leave my family and friends void of my presence for the rest of their lives, for someone who doesn't even want to try.

"Stimulating." I gave in a low, almost purring voice.

"What are you doing here, Rhys?" Tamlin asked, looking right at me. Emerald eyes staring me down, likely envious of my mask-less face. Little did he know, I wore a completely different one. A much harder one to maintain. But with the beast addressing me as Rhys, instead of my full name, we are making progress. Slowly but surely, I will get under his skin.

"I wanted to check up on you. I wanted to see how you were faring." I paused for a moment. I knew exactly what to say. The Attor desecrated a part of his garden with his stunt on the statue, but marking it with the symbol of my court, it made it my doing. "If you got my little present."

Quickly, rage seeping through his teeth, "Your preset was unnecessary."

"But a nice reminder of the fun days, wasn't it?" I responded back as I started to walk a step closer to him, looking around the room. Looking for traps, that would be a waste of time, I was trying to find the full extent of the displacement of magic. A small part of me hoped it wasn't just around Lucien, that means he was indeed trying to hide something from me, even he could not be that daft. Or at least I could pray to the cauldron that he was not. "Almost half a century holed up in a country estate, I don't know how you managed it." I directed my full attention to the man sitting in the chair now, "You're such a stubborn bastard that this much have seemed like a paradise compared to under the mountain. I suppose it is. I'm surprised, though: forth-nine years, and no attempts to save yourself or your lands. Even now that things are getting interesting again."

"There's nothing to be done," Tamlin conceded. No, that was the complete opposite I want to happen. This man was a beast, trapped in a man's body and he did not have any of that fight left. The feral, that killer, that man would fight through the rain of blood... is no longer here.

I pushed on, I had to. Walking closer to him, slow, calculated steps followed and mocked by my shadows protecting my blind side, "What a pity," a started out lowly, playing with the man, all I needed was a reaction. "That you must endure the brunt of it, Tamlin—and an ever greater pity that you're so resigned to your fate. You might be stubborn, but this is pathetic." I paused one more time, tilting my head and smiling, "How different the High Lord is from the brutal war-band leader of centuries ago." The man who fought alongside me. The person who would kill and ask questions later. Not this self pity High Lord, that didn't project himself in the way he used to, but in a shadow of his former self. He was just like me, not dancing and playing with the same demons, but fighting his own. What a day to be alive.

"What do you know about anything? You're just Amarantha's whore." Lucien. Lucien interrupted. Not Tamlin, his will to fight, his fire to his step is extinguished at the moment, but his wonderful advisor. He better kiss his feet tonight. I just need a reaction, something. Anything to bring back to Amarantha that won't destroy all of us.

The conversation continued on. Bickering back and forth between Lucien and me. I needed a reaction from Tamlin. But even with me snarling and pushing Lucien against the wall, there was nothing that occurred. The blond haired, green eyed beast man had accepted a defeat that even I couldn't stir out of him. This was it, the last bit of an inkling of a chance I could garner to see if I could get a reaction out of Tamlin.

I sighed, as I lingered towards the door. Stopping by one of the chairs as I was tapping my fingers on top of it. What could I do? What can I say? What action must I take to stir the reaction I want of Tamlin? He has to do something, anything. Just not sit here doing absolutely nothing.

"She's preparing for you. Given you current state, I think I can safely report that you've already been broken and will reconsider her offer..." I paused, Lucien's breath is speeding up. Sweat pressed against his brow, he's using his magic. This entire time, fighting against my shadows, my abilities against his to maintain his shield. My tapping had stopped as my eyes drifted down to the table. Three plates.

Lucien's reaction was a dead giveaway. He was hiding something. He was glamouring someone, for the period of time I have been here, that is actually quite impressive especially for the given state of his abilities at this time. "Where's your guest?" I mused, as I picked up the half full goblet, throwing daggers at Tamlin. Lie to me. Tell me the truth. This was the moment I was waiting for. The moment where I can get more of a reaction that a dismissal.

"I sent them off when I sensed your arrival." Tamlin lied. Though his voice remained cool, Lucien was dying under his skin. Sweat, racing heartbeat, and the look of utter confusion crossed his eyes. I looked straight at Tamlin. Lifted my eyebrows –of course exaggerating the movement more than it had to be done, I wanted to smile, by the cauldron I wanted to show him that I would finally play his game. But I could not. I am the prince of darkness, the high lord of the night court. I would have to continue to proudly wear the mask of darkness, of pain, of suffering. I allowed by shadows to escape around me, making the room void of light for a solid second before returning to me. My tendrils seeking mostly around where Lucien stood, stripping away his glamour in a matter of seconds.

Behind Lucien, was a girl pressed into the wall. "You dare glamour me?!" I growled as Lucien moved slightly away from the woman... leaving me staring into the eyes of the painter. The calm ocean of her eyes projecting fear and mortality. For my actions I have taken, the ones I am going to be forced to take I will hate myself for.

I felt Tamlin's magic press against my own, claws likely pressed out against his flesh ready to strike. But I was too interested in the picture that was in front of me. This mortal, though she should be running, decided to stand her ground. "I remember you," I said directly to her, "If seems like you ignored my warning to stay out of trouble."

I lingered there a moment longer, staring into her eyes. She will have to see me at one of my worst. She will have to fear me, fear what I can do. It was the only way. Tamlin had been trying to break the curse, with a girl that I had been longing for.

I will have to shatter my hope, in order for us to live a little while longer.


End file.
